Warm fuzzies

Little Apricot,
Last night I heard you start chatting at about 4 a.m.  I was getting up to pump anyway, so I checked the monitor to find you on your back, wiggling around.  I went into your room and you smiled at me, your giant sleepy smile.  I smiled in return, and then I turned you over and started rubbing your back.  Then I thought to myself, "Hey, get a clue.  Apricot rarely wakes up in the middle of the night.  Perhaps you should investigate."  So I did.  I checked your sleep sack, and low and behold, you had leaked.  I lifted you out of your crib (I cannot believe how big you are getting, your sleepy weight felt so good in my arms), kissed your little head, and I put you on the changing table.  You were full of "uh-GUH's" and smiles.  I tried not to look at you too often, so I would not stimulate you.  But you would not have it - you just kept looking at me with your wide eyes.  Smiling at me every time I glanced in your direction.  You really are so beautiful.  I covered you in kisses.  Soft, little ones, so as to not get you riled up.  Then Daddy came in and I handed you off so I could change your bedding.  I don't know why, but your little life has touched me in the most amazing way.  Last night, when you were so full of sleepy and smiles... I just wish I could bottle that feeling.  It is truly the "warm fuzzy" of which I have always heard.  I love you, sweet girl.


Also, last night, before you drenched me in your fuzzy love, this is how you fell asleep.  You're such a little weirdo.

(Even when Daddy was fixing you, you kept trying to grab the bumper and go back

to this same position.  At six months old, even while asleep, you are already tenacious.)

Overwhelmed with choices and "screens"

I have so many things that I would like to be doing, or getting into, or creating, or reading.  I have so many emails to read or surveys to fill out to earn money.  I would like to do more organizing and straightening.  I would like to be a better wife, a better mother, a better sister, a better friend and a better manager of my time.  I HATE BEING A TIME WASTER.  Yet what do I do most of the time?  You got it:  I waste time.  The Lord cautions, like a lot, to be a good steward of one's time.  I would like to be a better steward of the time with which God has blessed me.  I would like to be a better house for God's light.

I think I might cut myself off from the Internet.  But I am so afraid.  Of what?  I am not really sure.  Maybe that I won't be able to handle it.  Which makes me think that I most DEFINITELY need to cut myself off.  But one (legitimate) excuse, or question, is then how can I look for a job?  That I am not sure about.  That aside, one thing I would have to do is that if I decide to cut myself off from the Internet, I have to cut myself off from all screens.  Because I know me.  If I do not have the computer to turn to, guess who is next in line?  That's right... Mr. Television.  My second biggest time waster.  I actually have been doing really well with not watching TV.  If I do not turn it on, I do not get sucked in.  But who has time to watch TV when they are trolling the Internet all day.

I would love to be "wasting my time" on God's Word.  Or baking.  Or playing with Apricot.  Or loving my husband.  Or chatting with friends.  Or organizing my house.  Those are so much more fulfilling "time wasters".

I feel better now.  But I am still scared.  I would need to set a time frame, like a week, or month, of no screens. I guess I am not including the cell phone as a screen.  Lucky for me I do not have an Internet phone, so no temptation there.  Maybe I could even start with something so small like a day with no screens.  I could do a day.  Now it's just committing to which one...

Flying randomness

Sometimes I wish my blog were like Facebook, with just status updates.

Every single night as I am feeding and rocking Apricot before bed, I think to myself, "I cannot believe another day has passed."  It always feels like I did not spend enough time with her, do enough with her, hold her enough.  Every. Single. Day.  Isn't that a little odd?  And it's not like I am out working all day, like some mothers.  I am home.  All day long.  Spending time with her.  And it still does not feel like it is enough.  Too weird.  It is amazing to me that I love her so much.  Oak and I were talking about it the other day.  It sounds really bad, but we can't think of any other way to say it:  We wish it were as easy to love each other.  Apricot is just so easy to love.  It just pours out of us.  Like nothing I have never experienced before in my life.  I remember a few weeks after she was born, I thought to myself, "I had no idea that THIS is how much my mom loves me."  It is nothing she could have ever explained to me.  And to think of her loving me like that is still a little strange, but at the same time I totally understand it.  In addition, having Apricot has allowed me to understand God's love for me a little.  I feel like I have talked about this before...  I did!  So anyway... I will stop gushing.

Poppop and Aunt Pink came over today to visit.  We went out to lunch, which was such a treat since today was only our third time out in six months.  It was lovely.  We sat Apricot in a high chair, covered it with this fancy thing that Oak's Mom-Mom got us, and enjoyed lunch!  It was great!

Tooth update!:  A fourth tooth has made an appearance as of yesterday.  The upper left next-to-the-middle tooth is out.  So we are slowly transitioning from Hillbilly to Hillbilly Vampire.  I cannot wait for Halloween.  Also as of yesterday, Apricot is learning to sit up by herself!  We are so proud.

I am praying to the Lord that we need Him.  Please help us.  We need direction, guidance, protection, comfort, carrying, love, grace, mercy.

On our way to being beach bums

We went to the beach today!  Taking into consideration Oak does not really like the beach, and my stress level was maxed within the first five minutes, our day at the beach turned out really well.  It was Apricot's first time going, so we were not sure how she was going to react.  Once we put on her sunglasses, she did not seem to mind at all.  She did not, however, enjoy the ocean.  It may have been the coldness.  It may have been the bigness.  It may have scared her.  Probably it was all of those.  The water kept sneaking up on us, splashing her.  She screamed a bit.  It was good, though.  She took a nap for a little while.  When she woke up, she just laid on her back under the umbrella, "sunning" - just like everyone else on the beach!

After our beach adventure, we went to Auntie's house for dinner.  After dinner, Apricot proceeded to have a melt down the size of Texas because she was T.I.R.E.D. - I-don't-know-what-to-do-with-myself tired.  We left, came home, had one last meal, did the bedtime routine, and she then took fortyseveneleventy hours to fall asleep.  I don't really understand how that works.  Exhausted:  Sleep.  Nope!  Exhausted:  Roll around... jibber-jabber... blow raspberries... get into the corner...  start crying... smile like nothing is wrong... pats on the back... finally sleep.  Why.  Where is the disconnect?  I don't really mind; I just feel badly for her.

I do wish I could bottle these moments.  I feel like time is just buzzing by me so quickly, and I cannot soak up everything fast enough.  I know she is growing so quickly and these days will just be a blur soon.  I do want her to keep growing, I just feel like I am going to be missing this stage really soon.  Sooner than I even know.

Tooth update:  We now have a hillbilly in the making!  Most babies get their two bottom middle teeth first, then their two upper middle teeth next.  My baby got her two bottom middle teeth first, skipped the upper middles, and went right for the upper hillbilly-side tooth.  Really?  Now the other side is about to come through.  She probably will look like a tiny vampire.  I cannot wait until they get more visible so I can take pictures.

a little eye resting, thumb love