December overwhelmed gratitude

Well Oak said it the best.  December = overwhelmed.  Just thinking about the month of December makes me completely overwhelmed.  In our immediate family we have five birthdays.  In our extended family we have seven birthdays.  Then of course there is Christmas, which is the 'reason for the season' as everyone likes to put it.  I want so badly not to make Christmas about gift giving and stress, but to make it about Christ's birth and family traditions (that we enjoy).


We are trying to get our own traditions set:  cookies, tree, decorating... stuff like that.  But even the cookies seem to be overwhelming.  Our decorations are not out yet.  Hopefully tonight we will put them up.  I have them all set out on the table waiting to be put in their spots.


In addition to the normal yearly stress, we have our own added moving stress.  We are not moving until after Christmas, but that does not mean we aren't looking for houses!  So when we are not shopping for presents or going to parties, we are house hunting.  And can I just tell you I do not see the 'falling market' that everyone is talking about.  Perhaps it is because we are not looking for a run-of-the-mill house.  We want some land on which to run and grow.  Fruit trees and bushes, a garden, possibly a greenhouse later! is what are hopes are for.  Chickens and goats...  okay, that might be a little far-fetched, but maybe not completely!  We have friends 20 minutes from us that have both chickens and goats.  The idea of growing our own food and not having to rely on the supermarket is so very appealing to us (me), but that is for another post entirely.


So... December.  Lord please let us focus on YOU Lord.  Not on the money, or even the house-to-be.  Lord let us appreciate what You have given us.  Our families, friends and all of our loved ones.  Also at the same time, though, Lord, we do not want our loved ones to be disappointed on Christmas, so please help us to find the right gifts for them.  They do not have to be expensive, nor extravagant, but just the right gift that would make someone smile.  Thank You Jesus for all that You do for us.  I cannot imagine a life without You Lord.  I am so thankful for You each day.  And each day You pour so many blessings on me that I am just struck with this incredible awe.  I cannot fathom why You are even bothering with little me, Lord.  You created the universe for crying out loud.  The universe!  Yet You care so much about me that You know the number of hairs on my head.  Thank you.  I am so very VERY grateful.

Transition and faith!

Well, of course I am posting today - it has been one month since my last post!  I do not mean for so much time to pass without posting; my mind is just so jumbled right now that I cannot seem to form it into anything cohesive.  Here's to giving it a whirl today!


We are officially at the start of The Great Transition.  Oak accepted a job offer a few days ago.  Doing so means we no longer can afford our house, but we knew that going in.  Because in April, his Unemployment runs out, and we would no longer be able to afford our house!  So it was pretty much inevitable.  The position he took is about an hour and a half away from us now - back where we came from.  It is a good thing because we were wanting to move back into the area anyway.  We miss having relationships with the people we love.  Hopefully moving back will give us the freedom to do so.


But this transition...  I put in my notice at work on Thursday since Oak is supposed to start working on November 28.  If we were not moving, we may have entertained the idea of juggling both of us working, but I think we are both thankful we're not doing that.  Yes the money would be nice, but we feel like we can live within our means to not have to need both of us working.  Anyway, the transition.  We have a realtor coming tomorrow to put our house up for rent.  We are hoping to be able to rent it out since selling is kind of not an option right now given this terrible market.  In the meantime, we are working with a different realtor to find us a house closer to Oak's new work and our families.  The good news is that it is a buyer's market.  So we are *hoping* to get a fantastic deal on something.  We're looking to have land to appeal to our self-sustaining mindset.  We'll see.  I know it is ALL in God's hands.


Anyway, back to this transition.  Hopefully we can find a new house, and a renter, before we run out of money.  That would bring us to about January/February.  If we cannot find anything, but hopefully have a renter - but even if we don't, we are invited to move in with my in-laws.  It is very gracious of them to open their house to us, and I used to be pretty excited about it.  The more I think about it though, the more hassle I think it will be.  Gracious yes, convenient no.  We have a cat who is 19 years old.  She pees in places other than her litter box.  Luckily for us, most of our house is hardwood or tile.  Not the case with my in-laws.  We would have to move all of our stuff.  Again.  And, we would have to put our big stuff in storage until we found a house.  I am hoping we can downsize the crap out of our stuff, so moving things will be minimal, but still.  It's an entire four-bedroom house.  With an infant.  And a semi-hoarder who wants so badly to be a minimalist.  And one who is in denial.  We have a lot of stuff is what I mean.


It is just tough because we have a lot of things To Be Determined.  It makes it a little hard to do our daily activities.  For me anyway.
I am publishing this without even reading it back!  I have to go help Oak outside like I said I would.

Pants on fire

So we quit smoking, and yet my husband is on his way to the store to buy cigarettes... What is wrong with this picture?  We've been sharing one cigarette every night lately.  It's actually quite nice, and I look forward to it.
He's home!  I know it goes against all that I am for, but I just enjoy it so immensely.

Ramblings - in list form

What am I doing, making this a once-a-month-posting blog?  This is ridiculous!  I have so much on my mind, I cannot even process it all right now.  I need to just list it out:

• We are still adjusting to my work schedule, and thankfully I am home by 10:30 a.m. now, so that is much better.
• Oak had an interview today that looks promising, but we are humbled enough by the last experience to not count our chickens...
• Him going back to work is going to stink like Apricot's feet (which, really?  How can a seven-and-a-half month-old's feet smell so badly?).
• We are excited about the prospect of him working again, but tentatively.  It's not going to make our lives any better, and that's what stinks.  It would mean him being away from the house for probably 12 hours a day.  We would be making less money than we are right now, so it wouldn't even ease that burden - it would make it worse.
• A good thing about him going back would be that if he does well, he could get promoted and make more money eventually.  Also, it is the type of job that could totally be done from home, so again, if he does well enough, there is always that possibility (we think).
• Kitty has stopped peeing all over the floor because we got smart and stopped confusing her.  We were putting newspaper under the litter box, extended out a bit, to "catch" the misses.  Well it got to the point where she was not even getting in the box, just walking onto the paper and doing her business.  We removed the paper all together and voila! we've knocked the mess down by about 75%.
• If Oak gets this job, as soon as it happens, we can no longer pay our mortgage.
• We are very much considering renting this house and moving closer to our families - it is just a process.  There is a lot to think about: how much to charge, how much will we still have to pay, where will we live...
• Where will we live!?  We cannot even figure that out!
• Apricot is making noise now; she is up from her nap.  We think she is cutting another tooth because naps? they stink today.  She currently has seven teeth.
• We do not vacuum nearly enough because Apricot was screaming like someone was cutting off her foot this afternoon as I vacuumed.  Poor baby.
• My list of things to do seems to grow and grow and grow.  I make progress, but for every one things that gets crossed off, I add two more things.  *sigh*
• I found out today that our only friends in this area are moving to North Carolina November 1.  I don't know why it bothers me so much because it's not like we see them hardly ever.  But it does bother me.
• Also, that family I just mentioned?  They welcomed their fifth child into the world less than a month ago, and they are doing wonderfully.  They are already adjusted!  So awesome!
• I just love this girl.  Her little dimples are so adorable.  I am so thankful she shows them so often.
• Am I ever going to update Apricot's baby book?  That is another thing that just looms over my head.  Every day that passes is something else that isn't going to make it into that book.  I know I am going to regret it severely.
• I am glad my relationship with my mom is growing.
• My littlest sister turned 10 years old today.  I cannot believe it was 10 years ago I witnessed the miracle of her birth.  She is so awesome, this one.  She is the sweetest, kindest girl.
• Perhaps my next post will be something better, not just a ramble in list form.
• Oh!  We took our first flight with a baby!  We went on a mini vacation for my cousin's wedding in Georgia, and it was AMAZING.  God is SO good to us.  Apricot did so wonderfully, it just blew our minds.  She was on basically zero sleep the entire trip, but man, she was a trooper - smiling and all.  The flights were great; we fed her during take off and landing, just like we were instructed, and it worked out perfectly.  It was so great to see all of my family we do not get to see very often.  And Apricot met her other Great Grandfather for the first time.  Just a great weekend all around.  Thank you Jesus!
• Also, thank you Jesus, for everything.  Even though I complain, I am in awe of how you are holding our family in your hand.  I am so thankful.

Mad at the unknown

I am aggravated today for various reasons:  the state of our house; the amount of "stuff" we have accumulated; the fact that we were taking pictures to post for a rental site and they do not look inviting; my boss texted me today telling me my new days off were Sundays and Mondays; I am thankful for my job, but I don't want to work anymore; Oak needs a job, but I don't want him to work either; but they all point one thing:  I want us both to be home with Apricot.  I know everyone out there works away from home.  I know everyone's husband has a job outside of the house.  I know everyone makes a commute.  I know that.  But just because it is that way does that mean I have to like it?  And does it even have to be that way?  Isn't there SOMETHING we could do together and make money, all while staying at home to be with Apricot?  Anything?  At all?


I feel so torn because Oak did go on that interview the other day.  He has a very good chance of them calling him back.  But it's an hour away!  So that means he would be gone 12 hours a day - minimum.  That sucks.  I am only gone six hours that Apricot is awake, and that is not pleasant.  Twelve hours is going to be heartbreaking.  And every time I think about it I just feel so badly for him and us.  He's used to being home 24 hours, and we're just going to cut it in half.  I just don't like the idea of it at all.  There's got to be something we could do from home.

*******

That was yesterday.  Today my feelings about the pictures has changed a little because I found some old ones that look nice.  I also found pictures of the really cool sunsets we have had.

Also, reading that up there makes us sound like hoarders.  That is not the case.  I just have always wanted to be the kind of person who has a place for everything, and we have yet to achieve that.  We have things that don't really have a home.  Or they do have a home, but it's not a good one, and they still don't look like they belong, if that makes any sense.

Anyway, at this point I think I may just be ranting.  I have a book on my shelf that I still have not read called Be Satisfied.  I think I need to read it.

Time's a racin'...

So I have not blogged in nearly a month.  Has it really been that long?  So much has happened since then:

We just got done visiting with my dad.  He came down for a short weekend to drop off my littlest sister.  It was nice spending time with him.  He was much more interactive with Apricot this time around, and that was so special to see.

Speaking of Apricot, she now has six teeth.  SIX.  Four on the top (her middle ones finally came through!) and two on the bottom.  She weighs 17 pounds now, and is still the joy in our lives.  I did not think it was possible, but I might love her more every single day.  She also started army crawling!  It is so cute.  She really gets going.  Every day she gets a little more on her knees, but she is not quite there yet.

Same goes for Oak - I think I love him more every single day as well.  I started a new job a couple weeks ago, so he is now home with Apricot until around 2 p.m. every day except Wednesday and Sunday.  He packs my lunchbox, gathers my stuff, and just generally makes my life easier.  Daily.  He is such a blessing.  Also, he is loving (I think?) the time alone with Apricot, which is just awesome.  He is such a super daddy.  And she is just tickled with him.  They make my heart smile.

Oak is on the phone right now with a possible job interview.  I know he needs to work.  I am just a little torn in a lot of directions.  Him working would mean I would have to quit this newly acquired job.  That would kind of stink, only because I just started, and I am learning things, and I enjoy it.  But I know that ultimately we want me to stay home with Apricot, so it would be good.  It would also stink because probably his job would not come with great hours, meaning he would be away from home for the majority of the day.  It would also probably be a long commute.  I have been praying he would find a job that allows him to work from home (me too!) so that we could be home together.  I loved being home with him for all that time, and I know he did too.  We'll see.  We'll see what God has in store for us!

I am mourning four boys that I did not even know.  They were killed in a car crash on Saturday.  My sister was friends with them; they were in high school.  I do not think it was anything but losing control.  Four of the eight died.  I cannot imagine what she (my sister), the other kids at school, and especially those parents are going through right now.  My heart goes out to them.

I am also mourning my in-law's dog.  They put him down this morning because he was sick.  He had cancer, and it just kept getting worse.  He was not eating, and he just was not doing well.  I feel badly for them too.  He was not that old.

We are really considering moving...  In this market, we are thinking renting is a better idea than selling.  A friend of mine told me about this website that deals with rentals that allows access to only military personnel.  That is encouraging to us because we are a little leary of renting to just anyone.  We are hoping these people being in the military would make slightly more trustworthy.  Again:  We'll see what God has in store for us!

Oak is off the phone now.  Getting the scoop.

Warm fuzzies

Little Apricot,
Last night I heard you start chatting at about 4 a.m.  I was getting up to pump anyway, so I checked the monitor to find you on your back, wiggling around.  I went into your room and you smiled at me, your giant sleepy smile.  I smiled in return, and then I turned you over and started rubbing your back.  Then I thought to myself, "Hey, get a clue.  Apricot rarely wakes up in the middle of the night.  Perhaps you should investigate."  So I did.  I checked your sleep sack, and low and behold, you had leaked.  I lifted you out of your crib (I cannot believe how big you are getting, your sleepy weight felt so good in my arms), kissed your little head, and I put you on the changing table.  You were full of "uh-GUH's" and smiles.  I tried not to look at you too often, so I would not stimulate you.  But you would not have it - you just kept looking at me with your wide eyes.  Smiling at me every time I glanced in your direction.  You really are so beautiful.  I covered you in kisses.  Soft, little ones, so as to not get you riled up.  Then Daddy came in and I handed you off so I could change your bedding.  I don't know why, but your little life has touched me in the most amazing way.  Last night, when you were so full of sleepy and smiles... I just wish I could bottle that feeling.  It is truly the "warm fuzzy" of which I have always heard.  I love you, sweet girl.


Also, last night, before you drenched me in your fuzzy love, this is how you fell asleep.  You're such a little weirdo.

(Even when Daddy was fixing you, you kept trying to grab the bumper and go back

to this same position.  At six months old, even while asleep, you are already tenacious.)

Overwhelmed with choices and "screens"

I have so many things that I would like to be doing, or getting into, or creating, or reading.  I have so many emails to read or surveys to fill out to earn money.  I would like to do more organizing and straightening.  I would like to be a better wife, a better mother, a better sister, a better friend and a better manager of my time.  I HATE BEING A TIME WASTER.  Yet what do I do most of the time?  You got it:  I waste time.  The Lord cautions, like a lot, to be a good steward of one's time.  I would like to be a better steward of the time with which God has blessed me.  I would like to be a better house for God's light.

I think I might cut myself off from the Internet.  But I am so afraid.  Of what?  I am not really sure.  Maybe that I won't be able to handle it.  Which makes me think that I most DEFINITELY need to cut myself off.  But one (legitimate) excuse, or question, is then how can I look for a job?  That I am not sure about.  That aside, one thing I would have to do is that if I decide to cut myself off from the Internet, I have to cut myself off from all screens.  Because I know me.  If I do not have the computer to turn to, guess who is next in line?  That's right... Mr. Television.  My second biggest time waster.  I actually have been doing really well with not watching TV.  If I do not turn it on, I do not get sucked in.  But who has time to watch TV when they are trolling the Internet all day.

I would love to be "wasting my time" on God's Word.  Or baking.  Or playing with Apricot.  Or loving my husband.  Or chatting with friends.  Or organizing my house.  Those are so much more fulfilling "time wasters".

I feel better now.  But I am still scared.  I would need to set a time frame, like a week, or month, of no screens. I guess I am not including the cell phone as a screen.  Lucky for me I do not have an Internet phone, so no temptation there.  Maybe I could even start with something so small like a day with no screens.  I could do a day.  Now it's just committing to which one...

Flying randomness

Sometimes I wish my blog were like Facebook, with just status updates.

Every single night as I am feeding and rocking Apricot before bed, I think to myself, "I cannot believe another day has passed."  It always feels like I did not spend enough time with her, do enough with her, hold her enough.  Every. Single. Day.  Isn't that a little odd?  And it's not like I am out working all day, like some mothers.  I am home.  All day long.  Spending time with her.  And it still does not feel like it is enough.  Too weird.  It is amazing to me that I love her so much.  Oak and I were talking about it the other day.  It sounds really bad, but we can't think of any other way to say it:  We wish it were as easy to love each other.  Apricot is just so easy to love.  It just pours out of us.  Like nothing I have never experienced before in my life.  I remember a few weeks after she was born, I thought to myself, "I had no idea that THIS is how much my mom loves me."  It is nothing she could have ever explained to me.  And to think of her loving me like that is still a little strange, but at the same time I totally understand it.  In addition, having Apricot has allowed me to understand God's love for me a little.  I feel like I have talked about this before...  I did!  So anyway... I will stop gushing.

Poppop and Aunt Pink came over today to visit.  We went out to lunch, which was such a treat since today was only our third time out in six months.  It was lovely.  We sat Apricot in a high chair, covered it with this fancy thing that Oak's Mom-Mom got us, and enjoyed lunch!  It was great!

Tooth update!:  A fourth tooth has made an appearance as of yesterday.  The upper left next-to-the-middle tooth is out.  So we are slowly transitioning from Hillbilly to Hillbilly Vampire.  I cannot wait for Halloween.  Also as of yesterday, Apricot is learning to sit up by herself!  We are so proud.

I am praying to the Lord that we need Him.  Please help us.  We need direction, guidance, protection, comfort, carrying, love, grace, mercy.

On our way to being beach bums

We went to the beach today!  Taking into consideration Oak does not really like the beach, and my stress level was maxed within the first five minutes, our day at the beach turned out really well.  It was Apricot's first time going, so we were not sure how she was going to react.  Once we put on her sunglasses, she did not seem to mind at all.  She did not, however, enjoy the ocean.  It may have been the coldness.  It may have been the bigness.  It may have scared her.  Probably it was all of those.  The water kept sneaking up on us, splashing her.  She screamed a bit.  It was good, though.  She took a nap for a little while.  When she woke up, she just laid on her back under the umbrella, "sunning" - just like everyone else on the beach!

After our beach adventure, we went to Auntie's house for dinner.  After dinner, Apricot proceeded to have a melt down the size of Texas because she was T.I.R.E.D. - I-don't-know-what-to-do-with-myself tired.  We left, came home, had one last meal, did the bedtime routine, and she then took fortyseveneleventy hours to fall asleep.  I don't really understand how that works.  Exhausted:  Sleep.  Nope!  Exhausted:  Roll around... jibber-jabber... blow raspberries... get into the corner...  start crying... smile like nothing is wrong... pats on the back... finally sleep.  Why.  Where is the disconnect?  I don't really mind; I just feel badly for her.

I do wish I could bottle these moments.  I feel like time is just buzzing by me so quickly, and I cannot soak up everything fast enough.  I know she is growing so quickly and these days will just be a blur soon.  I do want her to keep growing, I just feel like I am going to be missing this stage really soon.  Sooner than I even know.

Tooth update:  We now have a hillbilly in the making!  Most babies get their two bottom middle teeth first, then their two upper middle teeth next.  My baby got her two bottom middle teeth first, skipped the upper middles, and went right for the upper hillbilly-side tooth.  Really?  Now the other side is about to come through.  She probably will look like a tiny vampire.  I cannot wait until they get more visible so I can take pictures.

a little eye resting, thumb love

Ungrateful gratitude

Can I please just start out by saying that I love God very much, and I am so, SO grateful for everything He does for me (us)?  Because I do.  And I am.  That said, let the complaining commence!


I have such a crappy attitude lately!  I do not know what the problem is.  It is probably just stress.  I have to find a job.  Like, yesterday.  Or, more accurately, like, last year.  But I don't know why today I am so stressed about it.  Because today, we made a very hefty deposit into our account, which mostly consisted of God's provision and blessings.  Turns out we paid my midwife too much money, and the insurance company credited her company, who then in turn gave us the credit.  Thank you, Jesus!  He really is so good to us.  It just feels like this whole both-being-unemployed-for-so-long-and-can't-find-a-job crap is getting old.  And, what bothers me maybe even more than that is knowing that if *I* feel this way, how in the world does Oak feel.  He is a worrier.  A pessimist.  I am not.  I trust in God.  I am an optimist.  But now *I* am worried!  Not worried.  *sigh*  "Concerned."  Isn't that what we Christians say?  We don't get worried - we get concerned.  Because worry is a sin, but being concerned is not?  Ha.  Who are you fooling, Christians?  So, concern is the feeling I am having.  Mild concern.  Because at the root of my SOUL, I KNOW Jesus will provide.  I just know it.  The thing I don't know, and where the "concern" creeps in, is how.  HOW will He do this masterful feat?  It is actually kind of cool if you really think about it.  Knowing something is going to happen, but not being quite sure how it is going to unfold...  Really neat.  I am also thinking that perhaps Romans 8:28 may apply to this situation as well?  Let's recite that some more, shall we?


In other news, Apricot is a joy - as usual.  I really do love that little girl.  It is funny to me because only after she was born did I even get a glimmer of how God must feel toward me.  I know it sounds weird, but it is true.  When I sit here and wonder WHY does God love me, what am I even doing for Him.  Nothing much except complain a lot - hours after major blessings get poured out onto me.  Well, why do I love Apricot so much.  Honestly, what is she doing for me?  Yeah, now she smiles and laughs.  But before?  She made me lose sleep.  A lot.  She requires a lot of attention.  Attention I am no longer giving myself.  She is pretty demanding.  Right now, it is pretty much let's do what Apricot wants to do. No one really cares much about what Momma and Daddy want to be doing.  Maybe it is because we do not scream as loudly.  But I digress.  What I mean is, I know it sounds bad, but honestly she's not really bringing much to the table.  (Okay, that sounds really bad.)  But my goodness do I love her.  More than I ever thought I would or could.  And it is just MIND BOGGLING to think that as much as I love her - so much that it hurts sometimes - God loves her more.  Really?  Really?  How can that even be!  And He loves me more than I love her too!  What!  That is just crazy.  Crazy, crazy, crazy.  Oh how thankful I am.  I am so blessed, how can I even bother with being crabby.  I am human.  Thankfully God knows that.

Unsettling shots and unfaithfully worried

Well, Apricot had her shots today.  Much to my dismay, God did not close the pediatricians office, or give us a flat tire, or bring any small disaster onto us so that we could not get her immunized.  He also did not give me any new really good reasons not to.  I was praying for any of those things or else I would keep her appointment.  Nothing happened.  So she got them done.  I prayed for God's peace, and He said no.  Or at least, "You just have to trust me big time."  I do trust Him.  I know Romans 8:28, and I am reciting the crap out of it.  "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  I know that reaction or not, whatever happens is God's Will.  I know He is good.  I know lots of things; it is believing those things that is hard!  Lord, help my unbelief!


I have been extra cranky lately.  Every morning I pray that God helps me to think before I speak.  Every morning.  Lots of times I think after I speak, and I am regretful.  It's a process.  God is molding me into His image.  We need more water!

Teeth and God's hands

Little Miss Apricot has teeth!  Two, to be exact.  For remembering purposes, here are the dates:
5 June 2011 - White is able to be seen under her gum line.
7 June 2011 - A small hole has now appeared.
9 June 2011 - A tooth!  A tooth has broken the gum surface!  Her very first tooth is the bottom left (center) tooth.  (too lazy to look up the proper name...)
14 June 2011 - Tooth #2!  The bottom right (center) tooth.

 (It is HARD to get a shot of teeth!)

Little Sweetcheeks...  I cannot believe she has teeth already.  Four-and-a-half-months old, and she has two teeth.  Her mood has improved greatly since yesterday.  It was about 10 days of The Cranky, and we are so thankful to have our sweet-little-smiling-girl-who-sleeps back!


I received a phone call today for a job interview.  It is a little bit ironic because tomorrow is my very last day to claim unemployment benefits.  I think God is super funny.  His timing is impeccable.  I do not think I am going to get the job, just because that is too coincidental - even for God.  But I am praying that even if I do not get it that I would do well.  I know of a bunch of others that are praying for me as also.  I am so thankful!


I have to leave Oak and Apricot home tomorrow.  This is the first time being away from her for more than an hour (and only that has happened once!).  I think I should be praying for that as well.  I am confident Oak can do what needs to get done.  And actually, I am not as apprehensive thinking about it as I have been in the past.  I used to think about leaving her and not like it at all, so I guess I am making progress!  Probably I am just confident in Oak's abilities and our schedule.


Picking out an interview outfit was quite interesting.  My pre-pregnancy clothes do not fit me as well as they should.  I can get my go-to interview pants up over my hips.  Zipping them is another story.  The next pair in line, zip - yes!  Sitting is another story.  Skirt it is!  This particular skirt is actually very nice.  I have had it for probably 3 years, and I have never worn it.  Maybe once or twice.  It is a piece in which it is very hard to pair something.  Five shirts later... I am wearing the first choice.  It's not the best outfit, but it will do, I suppose.  Perhaps my heels will distract the fact that my top is a t-shirt from the Gap.


God is good.  If this is for me, it is in His hands.  Let's be honest; it is in His hands regardless.

Not-so-hidden blessings

My first comment!  I was pleasantly surprised!  And actually, if I am honest, much happier about it than I had anticipated.  I really, REALLY thought that I did not care so much.


Also?  God is pretty cool.  It is neat for me to think there are people out there, that I don't even know, praying for my family.  So, so cool.  Thank you, Jesus.


Today Oak (formally known as H) and I went for a walk with Apricot (formally known as D).  We have been going for walks lately, since the weather has been so nice, instead of exercising to Jillian Michaels (or whomever we choose that day - thanks On Demand!).  Apricot has not been napping very well recently, and we know that eventually she will fall asleep in the stroller, so off we went!  We walked a little over five miles today!  I tracked it when we got home, and I could not believe it.  That is a record for us, I think.  I love walking with Oak (and Apricot) because it gives us time to chat about life, and ideas, and just everything.


As much as it is a burden with us both being unemployed, it has been such a blessing to us.  We have gotten to know each other so much better, and our marriage is much stronger.  Oak is so comfortable with Apricot, and I truly believe that would not be the case if he had not been home this whole time.  I think he would be very uncomfortable and unsure with her.  So, burden?  Yes, in the wallet.  Blessing?  Absolutely, in every other aspect.


Lord, thank you for knowing me much more than I know myself.  And thank you for surrounding me with so much love.  I love you Jesus!

Thankfulness and breathing

(Until I can think of good pseudonyms for my husband and daughter, they will be referred to as "H" and "D" respectively.)


 So H and I have this electronic device for D that senses movement (i.e. breathing) which is currently residing under her mattress.  We have had this device pretty much since she was born.  Maybe there was a week or so she was alive before we received it as a gift.  Fine.  So, this device...  it really eases our minds.  It is just so nice knowing that we do not have to get up and check on her every 45 seconds to see if she is still breathing.  We have been sleeping (fairly) well ever since.


The premise is this:  If the device does not sense movement (i.e. breaths) for 15 consecutive seconds, a warning beep sounds.  If after five more seconds of no movement (breaths), an alarm sounds.  Well.  Last night the warning beep went off.  Not really a HUGE deal as it has gone off before, but we raced into D's room nonetheless.  We poked our heads into her crib just as the ALARM starts to sound.  This really freaked us out because the alarm has never gone off before.  Usually, what happens is the warning beep sounds then within five seconds D takes a breath, so the alarm never gets a chance to sound.  That did not happen this time.  This time, I had to shake her to take a breath.  Needless to say, this disturbed H and me greatly.  And then it happened again, and AGAIN.  Not the alarm sounding, just the warning beep, but still.  For Pete's sake, D, what is going on?!  I never really understood what parents were talking about when they would say they would stay awake and just watch their children breathe.  I now know.  We just stood there last night, both of us, watching her breathe, for a long time.  It was about 3:30 a.m.  I don't think I got back to sleep until 4:30 or 5:00 a.m.  I just kept *waiting* for that warning beep again.  Same with H.  It did not, thank God.  But then it happened again this morning at around 7:30 a.m.  Alarm and all.  Okay!  Enough "sleeping" for everyone - time to get up.  Good grief.


I am so thankful that God prompted H's parents to buy this movement sensor for us.  I just wonder.  I mean, what would have happened if we did not have this device?  Would D have started breathing within a few seconds without us even knowing what was happening?  Or would we have become another SIDS statistic?  I just don't know.  I do know that I am so thankful to God for at least one more day with her.  I really do love her.


Aside:  We are not sure where we stand on the whole vaccination issue.  D was due for her 4-month shots this past week.  We decided to hold off right now for a few reasons.  She is teething and already pretty miserable.  I am not sure I am convinced vaccines are the very best thing since sliced bread, like everyone says.  I am so torn because on one hand, I do feel like if we can prevent disease, why not!  Let's do it!  But on the other hand, the diseases they are vaccinating for are basically eradicated here in the United States of America.  Also, they can cause brain damage.  Also, our bodies were designed to fight off disease and become stronger from it.  Also, SIDS has a higher rate of happening after shots.


D had her 2-month vaccines at her 2-month appointment and screamed, yes screamed, for an hour?  two?  three?  I forget.  Dr. Brushoff said before D received the shots that she would likely be cranky.  This was not cranky.  This was screaming which was unable to be soothed - not even with the boob.  And for my great eater, that was very concerning.  I have been reading about vaccines recently, and this reaction is not necessarily the norm, but it is definitely a noted side effect of the DTaP shot.  That just does not sit well with me.  How will she react next time?  We have no idea.  I will tell you this, though.  If we would have gotten her the 4-month shots, I would DEFINITELY be blaming what is happening now (very cranky, stopped breathing) on those shots.  I have to wonder if God is doing exactly what it is I am fearing to show me that those things would, or could, or do, happen anyway.


Today was the first day D responded to pee-a-boo with laughter.  That made all the worrying and lost sleep totally worth it.  She really is adorable.

No toe dipping here

So, I have been thinking of starting a blog for quite some time now.  Today is the day that I am jumping in - feet first!  It is both exciting and terrifying.


My goal here is to log some things and learn some things.  I do not have a very good memory, so I figured if I wrote it out here, journal-like, then it would come in handy later!  I would like to chat about my family, what we are learning, how God is molding us and teaching us daily, and how we are relying on Him more and more each day.  I am hoping to hone my grammar and editing skills here.  I figure the more I write, the better I will get.  Hopefully that holds true.


I am a wife of four years and a mother of four months.  My husband is wonderful; so wonderful, he is most of the time a better wife than I.  My daughter is beautiful and currently the source of all things happy.  She is such a little (big!) miracle; we are smitten.  We also have a cat, whom we love very much.


As of right now, I do not work outside of our home.  I am looking into a couple different things, and I am very curious as to what God has in store for me (us)!  I love to read, research, learn and be challenged.  Both of my current choices offer all of these things and more, so that is good.  It is just scary.  They both require me to step out of my comfort zone, and that is not something I love!


I usually have 5-10 tabs open on my Internet window.  I read a lot of different blogs, and sometimes they link elsewhere within their posts, and I am interested!  I need to read that tidbit too!  But later, so that I do not forget what I was originally reading.  I love to start new things; it is the finishing of things I have trouble with.  I usually have a lot of new things I am wanting to try.  And I am very easily distracted, hence the name of my blog.


Most of the time I have ideas rolling around in my head, or things that I want to get down on paper, so that I do not lose them.  Right now I am drawing a blank.  But as this is my introduction post, my goal really is to just paint a picture of who I am.


It is taking everything in my being to hit publish instead of delete.