Well, it's been two years since my last post. Ha! This is a compilation of thoughts in no particular order or with any writing skill.
My little Apricot just turned five. FIVE! I made her a pinata cake for her birthday, and she just loved it. When she cut it and the jelly beans spilled out, her face was pure happiness!
Obviously Apricot has grown (very much!) since her Last Day of Two.
She reads now. Like, full-blown will read the instructions on her school work reads. She's been reading like that for at least six months. It's so cool to hear her reading signs in the back seat of the car as we drive. Not so cool (but funny!) when she reads my texts as they ding on my phone.
We are homeschooling her, and she is (and has been) doing first grade work. Most days she does her work easily and without complaint. We were doing Spanish for a bit, but have since stopped for no reason other than lack of discipline and consistency from me. She loved it and was really picking it up!
She is still an only child, and we are wondering what God has in store for us in that department. Foster/adopt? New baby born? Both? Neither?
She is a silly, caring, generous, sweet-hearted little girl who loves to get dressed up. She loves dresses and heels and jewelry and scarves and anything girly. She walks better in heels than her mother. No joke.
She has a 10-month-old, 70 pound puppy who pulled her on the sled in the snow the other day. That was super fun. :) We kept telling her she was the luckiest girl in all the land.
She talks about God and Jesus endlessly. My Momma heart is so warmed by this. She is always singing or dancing or playing something musical. She knows how to play Joy to the World on the piano.
She is always asking us to play with her. Most recently it's been "cops and robbers" or "Mary and Joseph".
Her pretend name is Rose, and her husband's name is Joe. Their last name is Flower, and they have six children: Ally, Lisa, Rachel, Aiden, Chase and Sil-o-brit. (She just told me they had two more! Lily and Jack.) They also have a few dogs: Al-o-ZEET-uh-no-MY-nee, Niffy, Rose and Rosalina. And a cat named Fuchsia. She comes up with this stuff all on her own and sticks to it like glue. She's been Rose married to Joe for so long now that it's just the norm. I'm her sister, Jane. My husband's name is Amberson, and our last name is Cece. We have a bunch of kids too: Apricot, Clementine, Arrington, Anakin and Olive.
In real life, Apricot wants to marry a boy from church. His last name begins with 'Z'. We'll see what happens with that. :) His family is very nice, and I am hopeful he will turn out to be a wonderful man. Who knows if anything will ever come about with it though, because she refuses to talk to him! I told her I didn't want to hear her talking ABOUT him, unless she was going to talk TO him. We talk about him a lot. And there is a store and brand with his same name, so she sees his name fairly often.
Even though she is five and two days, she is still my little Nomma Cakes. She is so sweet and soft and tender.
When we were doing her Advent calendar, sometimes she would get a couple of small treats each day. Like jelly beans or chocolate chips. She would ALWAYS offer Oak or me the first one. That kindness blew us away.
She still sleeps with her animals: Piggy, Bunny, Seal, Hare, Sven and Cherry. Although, recently she's not been wanting Cherry in the bed.
Not that long ago she discovered the baby monitor (yes, we still use one) and I heard her talking through it to Piggy. Telling him to lay down and whatnot. haha
We are discovering that artificial colors and caramel coloring make her a complete crazy pants.
One of my favorite things about Apricot is her easy forgiveness. She always says she'll always forgive me, and I say good! because I'll always need your forgiveness!
This past year we cut off 10" each of our hair and donated it. It was much needed for both of us. Thankfully Oak and I seemed to mourn the loss of her hair more than she did. Her hair was so long that it was past her tush. but it was her baby hairs, so it was a little stringy. I didn't realize how stringy, though, until it wasn't stringy anymore! Speaking of hair, hers is still a beautiful reddish color. copper? strawberry blonde? red? orange? I'm not really sure, but I know I love it. And I hope it never changes. She wants to dye it.
She calls a rash "radish". She says "commission" instead of permission. She calls a thief "feef". She says "mistaking" instead of mistaken. She thinks because is "pecause". I correct her on some things, but I refuse to correct her on any of these.
She has enlarged adenoids that she and her Daddy have painstakingly learned to flush with the "nose squeezy". It was a process. A long, drawn-out, everybody hates it, lots of tears process. But they both put in lots of hard work and do her nose thing nightly to clear out her sinuses. It's either this or surgery, and we don't want to do surgery. Adenoids shrink as a child grows, so hopefully this will be her worst years with it. They started being inflamed fall 2014 and stayed inflamed until spring or so. They started again this past fall and haven't quit yet. We have her 5-year-old check up tonight with the doctor. We missed her 4-year-old one. We are hoping for a good report, and that she doesn't have to get too many shots! Oak told me that he wants to take her to Chick-Fil-A afterward.
Also in Fall 2014, we took her to the doc for this adenoid issue when we didn't know it was the adenoids, and she ended up getting RSV! I have since sworn her against playing with any of the toys anywhere we go, poor kid.
Just the other day I noticed a sprinkling of a few very light freckles across her nose and cheeks.
She hates jeans. HATES.
She is very dramatic and sometimes has an attitude. We tell her she needs to ask God to change her heart.
She loves fruit. Frozen cherries are her favorite.
She asks the most direct questions. The put-you-on-the-spot kind. The there's-nothing-to-say-but-the-truth-because-anything-else-would-be-a-lie kind.
We had such a fun time last night shopping for her jelly-bean-themed birthday party. We bought a pinata. This should be fun. Or disastrous, either or. She wanted spiders to go inside "so that when they fall out, Daddy would fall down". Daddy hates spiders.
Apricot still lets me rock her a bit in my arms at night when I'm saying goodnight. I tell her she is my favorite girl in all the land.
She sometimes says things I can't hear and I ask what? And she says nothing for Momma's to know. Then I tell her it's all for Momma's to know and then she tells me.
She is the joy in my day, the spring in my step. She is unknowingly my accountability partner. She is my delight, and she makes me want to be a better person. I am so thankful God made me her Momma. I point to Him all day long (or try to) (or better yet, pray the Holy Spirit does it for me and in me) so that she sees Him and his goodness and lives for HIM. He is what matters most.
We have lots of talks about God and Jesus and Heaven and Hell. And how it doesn't matter if you're a good person or not. She knows there are people in Hell, and she knows Satan hates her. She knows that the only way to get to Heaven is by having a right relationship with God through Jesus Christ. She knows that Jesus' blood covers her sins and that she is seen as perfect in God's eyes BECAUSE of what Jesus did for her.
She has talked to more people about Jesus than I would have ever dreamed. And they listen. And I love it.
I just read this post to her and asked her if she had anything to add. She said yes. Here it is:
I am getting to love Jesus more.
It is so important that I love Jesus.
Jack is learning how to talk actually now.
Rachel lost her mind. She fell down and scraped her head, and she thinks that is losing her mind. When it was all bandaged up, she lost her mind and started laughing.
I like kitties and I want one. And if we get one, we'll name him Pimento.
28 January 2016
25 January 2014
Last Day of Two
Dear Apricot,
Today is the last day you will ever be two. I cannot believe how fast the time has flown.
Today, on the last day of two, we are struggling with small things that feel like big things.
Today, on the last day of two, you are as feisty as ever, especially since the attention has not been on you lately.
Today, on the last day of two, I feel something like an inadequate mother. We should be celebrating more. I should not be getting frustrated as easily. You should be better behaved.
Today, on the last day of two, half of the house is sick. Still sick, I should say. With Uncle RobinHood at five days, and Daddy at two days, it feels like the sickness will never ever leave us. This is why the attention on you is lacking. This is why my frustration point is so very small it is not fair to an adult, let alone someone who is on their last day of being two.
Today, on the last day of two, you are the smartest two-year-old I know - that I have ever known.
Today, on the last day of two, you can write your name clearly, and have been doing so for at least six months.
Today, on the last day of two, you can read small books by yourself with just a little guidance.
Today, on the last day of two, you are my shining star, with so much love and life and energy it brings tears to my eyes.
Today, on the last day of two, you are loud. Oh so loud. And excitable. And fidgety. And sweet. Oh so sweet.
Today, on the last day of two, your smile is infectious.
Today, on the last day of two, you are completely potty trained, and have been so for at least six months. Yes, even through the night.
Today, on the last day of two, you like the simple things. You do not have many conventional toys, and that's okay with you. I think even if you did, you would still choose to play with the odd things. (The flippers from the tinker toys are your choice toys today.)
Today, on the last day of two, we were praying for a brother or sister for you. We thought you'd have at least one by now and be working on another. We love the time we get to spend with you, but we know you would absolutely thrive with a sibling. Not to mention, it would be nice for you to have someone to play with other than Daddy and me.
Today, on the last day of two, your closest friends (other than Daddy and me) are Pancake, Potta-tee-too, Miss Mary and Monkey.
Today, on the last day of two, you sleep with three animals (also your friends): Piggy aka Bacon, Seal aka Luce (Luce-seal) and Bunny, who is currently your favorite. Bunny likes to come downstairs in the morning and play with us.
Today, on the last day of two, you still let me rock you at nap-time. I love rocking you. Lately I have been singing Hush, Little Baby; reciting The Going to Bed Book by Sandra Boyton; and singing Rock-a-Bye Baby. You are the one that insists on Rock-a-Bye Baby.
Today, on the last day of two, you still suck your (left) thumb and twirl your hair. You have been grabbing at your hair since before it was long enough to grab.
Today, on the last day of two, we must tuck you in very tight, "turn your angel on" and also turn on your fan.
Today, on the last day of two, I have tried to soak up as many moments as I possibly can, and yet, the time still seems to zip by me at lighting speed. It is as if I am trying to grasp the wind. I never knew how much one little life could fill my heart so much that I love practically everything about you. Everything you do is wonderful, and cute, and hilarious. You have so much spunk it's hard to describe.
Today, on the last day of two, you can be an intentional buster. That's not so fun. I'm not sure why you do it. But you're probably just seeing what happens. Exploring the world, I suppose.
Today, on the last day of two, you have your Momma's rebellion and your Daddy's mischievousness. Oy vey.
Today, on the last day of two, it is snowing. It is snowing just like it did on the last full day of my pregnancy.
Today, on the last day of two, I am sitting on the couch looking at balloons from a beloved Aunt, who cares so much. We are thankful for these balloons because your party was supposed to be today, but it had to be postponed due to the sickness in the house. We feel bad about that. But luckily, you're two! and you don't really realize these types of things yet. You're napping right now, and I can't wait to see your face with you come downstairs and see your balloons.
Today, on the last day of two, I am praying for a good three-hour nap. It's the norm still (thank you Jesus), but this week has been a little rough. And, for whatever reason, the less sleep you get, the less you want to sleep! Usually you get up at 8, nap from 12-3, and go to bed at 8.
Today, on the last day of two, I love watching you grow and explore and become the little you that you are.
Today, on the last day of two, you are my favorite girl in all the land.
Today, on the last day of two, I love you.
Love and kisses, Momma
Today is the last day you will ever be two. I cannot believe how fast the time has flown.
Today, on the last day of two, we are struggling with small things that feel like big things.
Today, on the last day of two, you are as feisty as ever, especially since the attention has not been on you lately.
Today, on the last day of two, I feel something like an inadequate mother. We should be celebrating more. I should not be getting frustrated as easily. You should be better behaved.
Today, on the last day of two, half of the house is sick. Still sick, I should say. With Uncle RobinHood at five days, and Daddy at two days, it feels like the sickness will never ever leave us. This is why the attention on you is lacking. This is why my frustration point is so very small it is not fair to an adult, let alone someone who is on their last day of being two.
Today, on the last day of two, you are the smartest two-year-old I know - that I have ever known.
Today, on the last day of two, you can write your name clearly, and have been doing so for at least six months.
Today, on the last day of two, you can read small books by yourself with just a little guidance.
Today, on the last day of two, you are my shining star, with so much love and life and energy it brings tears to my eyes.
Today, on the last day of two, you are loud. Oh so loud. And excitable. And fidgety. And sweet. Oh so sweet.
Today, on the last day of two, your smile is infectious.
Today, on the last day of two, you are completely potty trained, and have been so for at least six months. Yes, even through the night.
Today, on the last day of two, you like the simple things. You do not have many conventional toys, and that's okay with you. I think even if you did, you would still choose to play with the odd things. (The flippers from the tinker toys are your choice toys today.)
Today, on the last day of two, we were praying for a brother or sister for you. We thought you'd have at least one by now and be working on another. We love the time we get to spend with you, but we know you would absolutely thrive with a sibling. Not to mention, it would be nice for you to have someone to play with other than Daddy and me.
Today, on the last day of two, your closest friends (other than Daddy and me) are Pancake, Potta-tee-too, Miss Mary and Monkey.
Today, on the last day of two, you sleep with three animals (also your friends): Piggy aka Bacon, Seal aka Luce (Luce-seal) and Bunny, who is currently your favorite. Bunny likes to come downstairs in the morning and play with us.
Today, on the last day of two, you still let me rock you at nap-time. I love rocking you. Lately I have been singing Hush, Little Baby; reciting The Going to Bed Book by Sandra Boyton; and singing Rock-a-Bye Baby. You are the one that insists on Rock-a-Bye Baby.
Today, on the last day of two, you still suck your (left) thumb and twirl your hair. You have been grabbing at your hair since before it was long enough to grab.
Today, on the last day of two, we must tuck you in very tight, "turn your angel on" and also turn on your fan.
Today, on the last day of two, I have tried to soak up as many moments as I possibly can, and yet, the time still seems to zip by me at lighting speed. It is as if I am trying to grasp the wind. I never knew how much one little life could fill my heart so much that I love practically everything about you. Everything you do is wonderful, and cute, and hilarious. You have so much spunk it's hard to describe.
Today, on the last day of two, you can be an intentional buster. That's not so fun. I'm not sure why you do it. But you're probably just seeing what happens. Exploring the world, I suppose.
Today, on the last day of two, you have your Momma's rebellion and your Daddy's mischievousness. Oy vey.
Today, on the last day of two, it is snowing. It is snowing just like it did on the last full day of my pregnancy.
Today, on the last day of two, I am sitting on the couch looking at balloons from a beloved Aunt, who cares so much. We are thankful for these balloons because your party was supposed to be today, but it had to be postponed due to the sickness in the house. We feel bad about that. But luckily, you're two! and you don't really realize these types of things yet. You're napping right now, and I can't wait to see your face with you come downstairs and see your balloons.
Today, on the last day of two, I am praying for a good three-hour nap. It's the norm still (thank you Jesus), but this week has been a little rough. And, for whatever reason, the less sleep you get, the less you want to sleep! Usually you get up at 8, nap from 12-3, and go to bed at 8.
Today, on the last day of two, I love watching you grow and explore and become the little you that you are.
Today, on the last day of two, you are my favorite girl in all the land.
Today, on the last day of two, I love you.
Love and kisses, Momma
03 October 2012
My cup overfloweth
My word has it been five months since my last post? How's that for inconsistency. So much has happened in those five months. Let's take a walk through my memory.
I celebrated my 30th birthday in May. It was very nice to have all my loved ones celebrate with me. My mom threw me a party (not a surprise), and fun was had by all. I am truly blessed.
My Poppop went home to be with the Lord in June. He was the closest representation of Christ I have ever experienced in my life. He was truly a man of God. He would literally give you the shirt off your back. In fact, that was his ministry. He would wear Jesus shirts, and if you said you liked it, he would ask you if you would wear it. If you said yes, he would take it off and give it to you. We handed out shirts at his memorial service with a wonderful poem telling others to do the same. I am so glad he is with my Grandmom again, both of them in Heaven yukking it up. But boy, do I miss the heck out of him. I didn't glean everything I should, or could, have from him, and for that I am regretful. I can only take that regret and turn it into something good - really buckling down and digging into my Bible. I cannot wait to see them again, and I am so thankful I know I will. I am truly blessed.
After seven months of squatting with my in-laws, we settled on a house at the end of July. This house is perfect for us. The previous owners kind of took a bath when they sold it to us, but yay for us! It was completely done - all the way down to paint - so all we had to do was move in. We are thankful to Oak's family for taking us in, and we are thankful to have a house of our own again. I am truly blessed.
We moved into the new house in the beginning of August! Moving day was so awesome. We had so many family members help us; we were like a well-oiled machine! My sister-in-law was fantastic in the days after too, helping us get things out of boxes. She unpacked the entire kitchen and front room, not to mention the other things I am forgetting. I am truly blessed.
Let's see... With September came the onset of Apricot's two-year molars! I believe September 20 was when we started seeing something poke through. We were glad to discover those little buggers because it's kind of been a nap time-nightmare around here lately. Not napping, sometimes napping, short napping, needing to be rocked to sleep to make the napping happen... not super fun times. Also, Miss Apricot was moved from her crib into a big-girl bed! I saw that she could get her leg (easily) over the top rung of the crib, and it was starting to worry me. I know a few kids who have fallen out of the crib and broken their arms, so I was concerned for her safety. Into the big-girl bed it was (which is just her crib mattress on the floor with a slide-under railing). God gave us a few great days that were smooth. She laid down and didn't budge when we put her in. I can't say it's been like that since. But we're figuring it out. Other than that, though, Apricot is just a gem. She is so smart; it's a little scary. She can count to 20 (if you don't mind missing 13 and 15), recite the days of the week, tell you the sound of the first several letters of the alphabet, sing several songs, recite several nursery rhymes, and is pretty much daytime potty trained. All of this, really, in the month of September. She is a light that just shines and makes people smile. I am truly blessed.
September was also a big month for my siblings! I am the oldest, and from there we have RobinHood, AirForce, Blue and Twig. RobinHood made a great life decision and decided to get treatment for a long-time addiction. He's been through detox, rehab and is back home now. He's doing daily meetings, and truly seems to have done a 180. I love spending time with him, and I am so glad he's back! AirForce, if you couldn't tell, is in the AirForce! It was great life decision he made quite a few months ago that made us all proud. He left for bootcamp early in September, and we have been writing letters since. We are so thankful for his sacrifice! He has such intelligence, we know he will do well. Blue started college again. I believe it is going well, albiet hard. I don't talk to her much; that is something I have to work on! And Twig got braces! She lives with her mom, and I cannot wait to see her. She is supposed to be coming to spend the weekend with us, and we are super excited. I am so proud of all of them. I am truly blessed.
And now it's October. Wow. Oak and I are chatting about several things - hoping to do them in the coming months: visit my dad later this month; hand out glow sticks in lieu of candy for Halloween; go on a date (or two) after Apricot goes to bed; figure out our budget; complete some things on our To Do List; get our dining room table (that we just ordered the other day - we are so excited!) situated, along with extra dishes and silverware to complete the sets; go to VA in November for my grandparent's memorial in Arlington; Christmas decorations... Lots of things. I am truly blessed.
So now you're all caught up. Hopefully I won't have another five-month-long dry spell. But don't hold your breath. What can I say? I've got a lot going on. I am truly blessed.
I celebrated my 30th birthday in May. It was very nice to have all my loved ones celebrate with me. My mom threw me a party (not a surprise), and fun was had by all. I am truly blessed.
My Poppop went home to be with the Lord in June. He was the closest representation of Christ I have ever experienced in my life. He was truly a man of God. He would literally give you the shirt off your back. In fact, that was his ministry. He would wear Jesus shirts, and if you said you liked it, he would ask you if you would wear it. If you said yes, he would take it off and give it to you. We handed out shirts at his memorial service with a wonderful poem telling others to do the same. I am so glad he is with my Grandmom again, both of them in Heaven yukking it up. But boy, do I miss the heck out of him. I didn't glean everything I should, or could, have from him, and for that I am regretful. I can only take that regret and turn it into something good - really buckling down and digging into my Bible. I cannot wait to see them again, and I am so thankful I know I will. I am truly blessed.
After seven months of squatting with my in-laws, we settled on a house at the end of July. This house is perfect for us. The previous owners kind of took a bath when they sold it to us, but yay for us! It was completely done - all the way down to paint - so all we had to do was move in. We are thankful to Oak's family for taking us in, and we are thankful to have a house of our own again. I am truly blessed.
We moved into the new house in the beginning of August! Moving day was so awesome. We had so many family members help us; we were like a well-oiled machine! My sister-in-law was fantastic in the days after too, helping us get things out of boxes. She unpacked the entire kitchen and front room, not to mention the other things I am forgetting. I am truly blessed.
Let's see... With September came the onset of Apricot's two-year molars! I believe September 20 was when we started seeing something poke through. We were glad to discover those little buggers because it's kind of been a nap time-nightmare around here lately. Not napping, sometimes napping, short napping, needing to be rocked to sleep to make the napping happen... not super fun times. Also, Miss Apricot was moved from her crib into a big-girl bed! I saw that she could get her leg (easily) over the top rung of the crib, and it was starting to worry me. I know a few kids who have fallen out of the crib and broken their arms, so I was concerned for her safety. Into the big-girl bed it was (which is just her crib mattress on the floor with a slide-under railing). God gave us a few great days that were smooth. She laid down and didn't budge when we put her in. I can't say it's been like that since. But we're figuring it out. Other than that, though, Apricot is just a gem. She is so smart; it's a little scary. She can count to 20 (if you don't mind missing 13 and 15), recite the days of the week, tell you the sound of the first several letters of the alphabet, sing several songs, recite several nursery rhymes, and is pretty much daytime potty trained. All of this, really, in the month of September. She is a light that just shines and makes people smile. I am truly blessed.
September was also a big month for my siblings! I am the oldest, and from there we have RobinHood, AirForce, Blue and Twig. RobinHood made a great life decision and decided to get treatment for a long-time addiction. He's been through detox, rehab and is back home now. He's doing daily meetings, and truly seems to have done a 180. I love spending time with him, and I am so glad he's back! AirForce, if you couldn't tell, is in the AirForce! It was great life decision he made quite a few months ago that made us all proud. He left for bootcamp early in September, and we have been writing letters since. We are so thankful for his sacrifice! He has such intelligence, we know he will do well. Blue started college again. I believe it is going well, albiet hard. I don't talk to her much; that is something I have to work on! And Twig got braces! She lives with her mom, and I cannot wait to see her. She is supposed to be coming to spend the weekend with us, and we are super excited. I am so proud of all of them. I am truly blessed.
And now it's October. Wow. Oak and I are chatting about several things - hoping to do them in the coming months: visit my dad later this month; hand out glow sticks in lieu of candy for Halloween; go on a date (or two) after Apricot goes to bed; figure out our budget; complete some things on our To Do List; get our dining room table (that we just ordered the other day - we are so excited!) situated, along with extra dishes and silverware to complete the sets; go to VA in November for my grandparent's memorial in Arlington; Christmas decorations... Lots of things. I am truly blessed.
So now you're all caught up. Hopefully I won't have another five-month-long dry spell. But don't hold your breath. What can I say? I've got a lot going on. I am truly blessed.
14 May 2012
Scattered thoughts
Well, it's been nearly three months since my last post. So much for my very consistant once per month thing I had going on... Life is scattered. Well, I guess not life in general, just my brain specifically.
We are house hunting like the dickens. We are still squatting at Oak's parents, and we are ready to be on our own again. They're great - his parents. They really are. It's not them. It's just not my house. It's not my house, it's not my kitchen, it's not my stuff, it's not my room, etcetera etcetera... I am thankful they are putting us up, but I am very ready to have this be a place I just visit again.
My birthday is this month. Right now it is still the truth to say I am in my 20s. I don't care *really* about turning 30... I really don't. But gosh it is hard to not remember when I thought 30 was ancient. I don't feel ancient. Actually, I don't feel old enough to have half the responsibility I have!
Apricot is a wonderful, beautiful, growing, smart SMART little girl. I know every parent thinks their child is smart, but my goodness this child is smart. Also, she is defiant. Love her.
We are house hunting like the dickens. We are still squatting at Oak's parents, and we are ready to be on our own again. They're great - his parents. They really are. It's not them. It's just not my house. It's not my house, it's not my kitchen, it's not my stuff, it's not my room, etcetera etcetera... I am thankful they are putting us up, but I am very ready to have this be a place I just visit again.
My birthday is this month. Right now it is still the truth to say I am in my 20s. I don't care *really* about turning 30... I really don't. But gosh it is hard to not remember when I thought 30 was ancient. I don't feel ancient. Actually, I don't feel old enough to have half the responsibility I have!
Apricot is a wonderful, beautiful, growing, smart SMART little girl. I know every parent thinks their child is smart, but my goodness this child is smart. Also, she is defiant. Love her.
24 February 2012
Mouth full of teeth - and walking!
I am writing on reserved battery power. That is kind of like "fumes and a prayer" for the computer, I suppose.
Just wanting to say how wonderful my little Apricot is. She has three new teeth as of today, bringing the count up to a whopping 14! No wonder our nights have been full of interrupted sleep. What a trooper!
Apricot also officially started taking steps last month - the 17th of January, but Oak and I did not catch it until the 19th! What terrible parents are we... But she has been trucking along full-force for about 4 days now, since the 20th. It's pretty amazing. She did not want to have anything to do with walking, really. Kind of scared of it actually. Then one day she just started taking a few steps from here to there, and poof! Now she's trying to run.
We are settling into a routine here... still work sometimes, still kind of feels like we are on an extended sleepover, still not home but is at the same time, still weird... But we are managing! God IS GOOD.
Just wanting to say how wonderful my little Apricot is. She has three new teeth as of today, bringing the count up to a whopping 14! No wonder our nights have been full of interrupted sleep. What a trooper!
Apricot also officially started taking steps last month - the 17th of January, but Oak and I did not catch it until the 19th! What terrible parents are we... But she has been trucking along full-force for about 4 days now, since the 20th. It's pretty amazing. She did not want to have anything to do with walking, really. Kind of scared of it actually. Then one day she just started taking a few steps from here to there, and poof! Now she's trying to run.
We are settling into a routine here... still work sometimes, still kind of feels like we are on an extended sleepover, still not home but is at the same time, still weird... But we are managing! God IS GOOD.
14 January 2012
Perhaps if I repeat it enough it will rise from my heart to my brain
Well, it is January. My little girl turns one this month. I cannot believe how fast this year has gone. I have tried to soak in all of the moments, to savor and cherish them, yet they still seemed to have zipped by me at lightening speed. Time is funny like that. It is like trying to catch the wind. Apricot is growing and flourishing right before our eyes. She has such a personality on her; it is amazing. I am still amazed at the miracle that is her.
We moved into Oak's parent's house on January 1. Let us just say we are still in transition. Our house (which we now lovingly refer to as 'our shore house') is half packed and vacant of bodies. We went there last weekend to pack some things, and it was creepy and depressing. Creepy I guess because no one had been there for a week, and it was just Apricot and me at first - no Oak or Kitty. Depressing for more than one reason. I wanted equally to both never see that place again and never leave again. We still have a lot to do. If we methodically chip away at it, it really should not take us too long. As long as we are consistently doing something productive.
On the bright side, we may have found renters! Holla! We met, and liked, them. They have a 3-week-old boy and seem very nice. They cannot move in until April 1, but that is okay because now we do not have to rush to get our stuff packed. It stinks a little because we have to carry the mortgage for two months more than we had anticipated, but we think it is worth it. We are really hoping they work out to be great renters. Only time will tell.
God is in control of all these things in our lives. GOD IS IN CONTROL OF ALL THINGS. God loves us. I will keep telling myself this. Romans 12:12, Ephesians 5:20 and also Romans 8:28
We moved into Oak's parent's house on January 1. Let us just say we are still in transition. Our house (which we now lovingly refer to as 'our shore house') is half packed and vacant of bodies. We went there last weekend to pack some things, and it was creepy and depressing. Creepy I guess because no one had been there for a week, and it was just Apricot and me at first - no Oak or Kitty. Depressing for more than one reason. I wanted equally to both never see that place again and never leave again. We still have a lot to do. If we methodically chip away at it, it really should not take us too long. As long as we are consistently doing something productive.
On the bright side, we may have found renters! Holla! We met, and liked, them. They have a 3-week-old boy and seem very nice. They cannot move in until April 1, but that is okay because now we do not have to rush to get our stuff packed. It stinks a little because we have to carry the mortgage for two months more than we had anticipated, but we think it is worth it. We are really hoping they work out to be great renters. Only time will tell.
God is in control of all these things in our lives. GOD IS IN CONTROL OF ALL THINGS. God loves us. I will keep telling myself this. Romans 12:12, Ephesians 5:20 and also Romans 8:28
13 December 2011
December overwhelmed gratitude
Well Oak said it the best. December = overwhelmed. Just thinking about the month of December makes me completely overwhelmed. In our immediate family we have five birthdays. In our extended family we have seven birthdays. Then of course there is Christmas, which is the 'reason for the season' as everyone likes to put it. I want so badly not to make Christmas about gift giving and stress, but to make it about Christ's birth and family traditions (that we enjoy).
We are trying to get our own traditions set: cookies, tree, decorating... stuff like that. But even the cookies seem to be overwhelming. Our decorations are not out yet. Hopefully tonight we will put them up. I have them all set out on the table waiting to be put in their spots.
In addition to the normal yearly stress, we have our own added moving stress. We are not moving until after Christmas, but that does not mean we aren't looking for houses! So when we are not shopping for presents or going to parties, we are house hunting. And can I just tell you I do not see the 'falling market' that everyone is talking about. Perhaps it is because we are not looking for a run-of-the-mill house. We want some land on which to run and grow. Fruit trees and bushes, a garden, possibly a greenhouse later! is what are hopes are for. Chickens and goats... okay, that might be a little far-fetched, but maybe not completely! We have friends 20 minutes from us that have both chickens and goats. The idea of growing our own food and not having to rely on the supermarket is so very appealing to us (me), but that is for another post entirely.
So... December. Lord please let us focus on YOU Lord. Not on the money, or even the house-to-be. Lord let us appreciate what You have given us. Our families, friends and all of our loved ones. Also at the same time, though, Lord, we do not want our loved ones to be disappointed on Christmas, so please help us to find the right gifts for them. They do not have to be expensive, nor extravagant, but just the right gift that would make someone smile. Thank You Jesus for all that You do for us. I cannot imagine a life without You Lord. I am so thankful for You each day. And each day You pour so many blessings on me that I am just struck with this incredible awe. I cannot fathom why You are even bothering with little me, Lord. You created the universe for crying out loud. The universe! Yet You care so much about me that You know the number of hairs on my head. Thank you. I am so very VERY grateful.
We are trying to get our own traditions set: cookies, tree, decorating... stuff like that. But even the cookies seem to be overwhelming. Our decorations are not out yet. Hopefully tonight we will put them up. I have them all set out on the table waiting to be put in their spots.
In addition to the normal yearly stress, we have our own added moving stress. We are not moving until after Christmas, but that does not mean we aren't looking for houses! So when we are not shopping for presents or going to parties, we are house hunting. And can I just tell you I do not see the 'falling market' that everyone is talking about. Perhaps it is because we are not looking for a run-of-the-mill house. We want some land on which to run and grow. Fruit trees and bushes, a garden, possibly a greenhouse later! is what are hopes are for. Chickens and goats... okay, that might be a little far-fetched, but maybe not completely! We have friends 20 minutes from us that have both chickens and goats. The idea of growing our own food and not having to rely on the supermarket is so very appealing to us (me), but that is for another post entirely.
So... December. Lord please let us focus on YOU Lord. Not on the money, or even the house-to-be. Lord let us appreciate what You have given us. Our families, friends and all of our loved ones. Also at the same time, though, Lord, we do not want our loved ones to be disappointed on Christmas, so please help us to find the right gifts for them. They do not have to be expensive, nor extravagant, but just the right gift that would make someone smile. Thank You Jesus for all that You do for us. I cannot imagine a life without You Lord. I am so thankful for You each day. And each day You pour so many blessings on me that I am just struck with this incredible awe. I cannot fathom why You are even bothering with little me, Lord. You created the universe for crying out loud. The universe! Yet You care so much about me that You know the number of hairs on my head. Thank you. I am so very VERY grateful.
06 November 2011
Transition and faith!
Well, of course I am posting today - it has been one month since my last post! I do not mean for so much time to pass without posting; my mind is just so jumbled right now that I cannot seem to form it into anything cohesive. Here's to giving it a whirl today!
We are officially at the start of The Great Transition. Oak accepted a job offer a few days ago. Doing so means we no longer can afford our house, but we knew that going in. Because in April, his Unemployment runs out, and we would no longer be able to afford our house! So it was pretty much inevitable. The position he took is about an hour and a half away from us now - back where we came from. It is a good thing because we were wanting to move back into the area anyway. We miss having relationships with the people we love. Hopefully moving back will give us the freedom to do so.
But this transition... I put in my notice at work on Thursday since Oak is supposed to start working on November 28. If we were not moving, we may have entertained the idea of juggling both of us working, but I think we are both thankful we're not doing that. Yes the money would be nice, but we feel like we can live within our means to not have to need both of us working. Anyway, the transition. We have a realtor coming tomorrow to put our house up for rent. We are hoping to be able to rent it out since selling is kind of not an option right now given this terrible market. In the meantime, we are working with a different realtor to find us a house closer to Oak's new work and our families. The good news is that it is a buyer's market. So we are *hoping* to get a fantastic deal on something. We're looking to have land to appeal to our self-sustaining mindset. We'll see. I know it is ALL in God's hands.
Anyway, back to this transition. Hopefully we can find a new house, and a renter, before we run out of money. That would bring us to about January/February. If we cannot find anything, but hopefully have a renter - but even if we don't, we are invited to move in with my in-laws. It is very gracious of them to open their house to us, and I used to be pretty excited about it. The more I think about it though, the more hassle I think it will be. Gracious yes, convenient no. We have a cat who is 19 years old. She pees in places other than her litter box. Luckily for us, most of our house is hardwood or tile. Not the case with my in-laws. We would have to move all of our stuff. Again. And, we would have to put our big stuff in storage until we found a house. I am hoping we can downsize the crap out of our stuff, so moving things will be minimal, but still. It's an entire four-bedroom house. With an infant. And a semi-hoarder who wants so badly to be a minimalist. And one who is in denial. We have a lot of stuff is what I mean.
It is just tough because we have a lot of things To Be Determined. It makes it a little hard to do our daily activities. For me anyway.
I am publishing this without even reading it back! I have to go help Oak outside like I said I would.
We are officially at the start of The Great Transition. Oak accepted a job offer a few days ago. Doing so means we no longer can afford our house, but we knew that going in. Because in April, his Unemployment runs out, and we would no longer be able to afford our house! So it was pretty much inevitable. The position he took is about an hour and a half away from us now - back where we came from. It is a good thing because we were wanting to move back into the area anyway. We miss having relationships with the people we love. Hopefully moving back will give us the freedom to do so.
But this transition... I put in my notice at work on Thursday since Oak is supposed to start working on November 28. If we were not moving, we may have entertained the idea of juggling both of us working, but I think we are both thankful we're not doing that. Yes the money would be nice, but we feel like we can live within our means to not have to need both of us working. Anyway, the transition. We have a realtor coming tomorrow to put our house up for rent. We are hoping to be able to rent it out since selling is kind of not an option right now given this terrible market. In the meantime, we are working with a different realtor to find us a house closer to Oak's new work and our families. The good news is that it is a buyer's market. So we are *hoping* to get a fantastic deal on something. We're looking to have land to appeal to our self-sustaining mindset. We'll see. I know it is ALL in God's hands.
Anyway, back to this transition. Hopefully we can find a new house, and a renter, before we run out of money. That would bring us to about January/February. If we cannot find anything, but hopefully have a renter - but even if we don't, we are invited to move in with my in-laws. It is very gracious of them to open their house to us, and I used to be pretty excited about it. The more I think about it though, the more hassle I think it will be. Gracious yes, convenient no. We have a cat who is 19 years old. She pees in places other than her litter box. Luckily for us, most of our house is hardwood or tile. Not the case with my in-laws. We would have to move all of our stuff. Again. And, we would have to put our big stuff in storage until we found a house. I am hoping we can downsize the crap out of our stuff, so moving things will be minimal, but still. It's an entire four-bedroom house. With an infant. And a semi-hoarder who wants so badly to be a minimalist. And one who is in denial. We have a lot of stuff is what I mean.
It is just tough because we have a lot of things To Be Determined. It makes it a little hard to do our daily activities. For me anyway.
I am publishing this without even reading it back! I have to go help Oak outside like I said I would.
06 October 2011
Pants on fire
So we quit smoking, and yet my husband is on his way to the store to buy cigarettes... What is wrong with this picture? We've been sharing one cigarette every night lately. It's actually quite nice, and I look forward to it.
He's home! I know it goes against all that I am for, but I just enjoy it so immensely.
He's home! I know it goes against all that I am for, but I just enjoy it so immensely.
19 September 2011
Ramblings - in list form
What am I doing, making this a once-a-month-posting blog? This is ridiculous! I have so much on my mind, I cannot even process it all right now. I need to just list it out:
- We are still adjusting to my work schedule, and thankfully I am home by 10:30 a.m. now, so that is much better.
- Oak had an interview today that looks promising, but we are humbled enough by the last experience to not count our chickens...
- Him going back to work is going to stink like Apricot's feet (which, really? How can a seven-and-a-half month-old's feet smell so badly?).
- We are excited about the prospect of him working again, but tentatively. It's not going to make our lives any better, and that's what stinks. It would mean him being away from the house for probably 12 hours a day. We would be making less money than we are right now, so it wouldn't even ease that burden - it would make it worse.
- A good thing about him going back would be that if he does well, he could get promoted and make more money eventually. Also, it is the type of job that could totally be done from home, so again, if he does well enough, there is always that possibility (we think).
- Kitty has stopped peeing all over the floor because we got smart and stopped confusing her. We were putting newspaper under the litter box, extended out a bit, to "catch" the misses. Well it got to the point where she was not even getting in the box, just walking onto the paper and doing her business. We removed the paper all together and voila! we've knocked the mess down by about 75%.
- If Oak gets this job, as soon as it happens, we can no longer pay our mortgage.
- We are very much considering renting this house and moving closer to our families - it is just a process. There is a lot to think about: how much to charge, how much will we still have to pay, where will we live...
- Where will we live!? We cannot even figure that out!
- Apricot is making noise now; she is up from her nap. We think she is cutting another tooth because naps? they stink today. She currently has seven teeth.
- We do not vacuum nearly enough because Apricot was screaming like someone was cutting off her foot this afternoon as I vacuumed. Poor baby.
- My list of things to do seems to grow and grow and grow. I make progress, but for every one things that gets crossed off, I add two more things. *sigh*
- I found out today that our only friends in this area are moving to North Carolina November 1. I don't know why it bothers me so much because it's not like we see them hardly ever. But it does bother me.
- Also, that family I just mentioned? They welcomed their fifth child into the world less than a month ago, and they are doing wonderfully. They are already adjusted! So awesome!
- I just love this girl. Her little dimples are so adorable. I am so thankful she shows them so often.
- Am I ever going to update Apricot's baby book? That is another thing that just looms over my head. Every day that passes is something else that isn't going to make it into that book. I know I am going to regret it severely.
- I am glad my relationship with my mom is growing.
- My littlest sister turned 10 years old today. I cannot believe it was 10 years ago I witnessed the miracle of her birth. She is so awesome, this one. She is the sweetest, kindest girl.
- Perhaps my next post will be something better, not just a ramble in list form.
- Oh! We took our first flight with a baby! We went on a mini vacation for my cousin's wedding in Georgia, and it was AMAZING. God is SO good to us. Apricot did so wonderfully, it just blew our minds. She was on basically zero sleep the entire trip, but man, she was a trooper - smiling and all. The flights were great; we fed her during take off and landing, just like we were instructed, and it worked out perfectly. It was so great to see all of my family we do not get to see very often. And Apricot met her other Great Grandfather for the first time. Just a great weekend all around. Thank you Jesus!
- Also, thank you Jesus, for everything. Even though I complain, I am in awe of how you are holding our family in your hand. I am so thankful.
30 August 2011
Mad at the unknown
I am aggravated today for various reasons: the state of our house; the amount of "stuff" we have accumulated; the fact that we were taking pictures to post for a rental site and they do not look inviting; my boss texted me today telling me my new days off were Sundays and Mondays; I am thankful for my job, but I don't want to work anymore; Oak needs a job, but I don't want him to work either; but they all point one thing: I want us both to be home with Apricot. I know everyone out there works away from home. I know everyone's husband has a job outside of the house. I know everyone makes a commute. I know that. But just because it is that way does that mean I have to like it? And does it even have to be that way? Isn't there SOMETHING we could do together and make money, all while staying at home to be with Apricot? Anything? At all?
I feel so torn because Oak did go on that interview the other day. He has a very good chance of them calling him back. But it's an hour away! So that means he would be gone 12 hours a day - minimum. That sucks. I am only gone six hours that Apricot is awake, and that is not pleasant. Twelve hours is going to be heartbreaking. And every time I think about it I just feel so badly for him and us. He's used to being home 24 hours, and we're just going to cut it in half. I just don't like the idea of it at all. There's got to be something we could do from home.
I feel so torn because Oak did go on that interview the other day. He has a very good chance of them calling him back. But it's an hour away! So that means he would be gone 12 hours a day - minimum. That sucks. I am only gone six hours that Apricot is awake, and that is not pleasant. Twelve hours is going to be heartbreaking. And every time I think about it I just feel so badly for him and us. He's used to being home 24 hours, and we're just going to cut it in half. I just don't like the idea of it at all. There's got to be something we could do from home.
*******
That was yesterday. Today my feelings about the pictures has changed a little because I found some old ones that look nice. I also found pictures of the really cool sunsets we have had.
Also, reading that up there makes us sound like hoarders. That is not the case. I just have always wanted to be the kind of person who has a place for everything, and we have yet to achieve that. We have things that don't really have a home. Or they do have a home, but it's not a good one, and they still don't look like they belong, if that makes any sense.
Anyway, at this point I think I may just be ranting. I have a book on my shelf that I still have not read called Be Satisfied. I think I need to read it.
22 August 2011
Time's a racin'...
So I have not blogged in nearly a month. Has it really been that long? So much has happened since then:
We just got done visiting with my dad. He came down for a short weekend to drop off my littlest sister. It was nice spending time with him. He was much more interactive with Apricot this time around, and that was so special to see.
Speaking of Apricot, she now has six teeth. SIX. Four on the top (her middle ones finally came through!) and two on the bottom. She weighs 17 pounds now, and is still the joy in our lives. I did not think it was possible, but I might love her more every single day. She also started army crawling! It is so cute. She really gets going. Every day she gets a little more on her knees, but she is not quite there yet.
Same goes for Oak - I think I love him more every single day as well. I started a new job a couple weeks ago, so he is now home with Apricot until around 2 p.m. every day except Wednesday and Sunday. He packs my lunchbox, gathers my stuff, and just generally makes my life easier. Daily. He is such a blessing. Also, he is loving (I think?) the time alone with Apricot, which is just awesome. He is such a super daddy. And she is just tickled with him. They make my heart smile.
Oak is on the phone right now with a possible job interview. I know he needs to work. I am just a little torn in a lot of directions. Him working would mean I would have to quit this newly acquired job. That would kind of stink, only because I just started, and I am learning things, and I enjoy it. But I know that ultimately we want me to stay home with Apricot, so it would be good. It would also stink because probably his job would not come with great hours, meaning he would be away from home for the majority of the day. It would also probably be a long commute. I have been praying he would find a job that allows him to work from home (me too!) so that we could be home together. I loved being home with him for all that time, and I know he did too. We'll see. We'll see what God has in store for us!
I am mourning four boys that I did not even know. They were killed in a car crash on Saturday. My sister was friends with them; they were in high school. I do not think it was anything but losing control. Four of the eight died. I cannot imagine what she (my sister), the other kids at school, and especially those parents are going through right now. My heart goes out to them.
I am also mourning my in-law's dog. They put him down this morning because he was sick. He had cancer, and it just kept getting worse. He was not eating, and he just was not doing well. I feel badly for them too. He was not that old.
We are really considering moving... In this market, we are thinking renting is a better idea than selling. A friend of mine told me about this website that deals with rentals that allows access to only military personnel. That is encouraging to us because we are a little leary of renting to just anyone. We are hoping these people being in the military would make slightly more trustworthy. Again: We'll see what God has in store for us!
Oak is off the phone now. Getting the scoop.
We just got done visiting with my dad. He came down for a short weekend to drop off my littlest sister. It was nice spending time with him. He was much more interactive with Apricot this time around, and that was so special to see.
Speaking of Apricot, she now has six teeth. SIX. Four on the top (her middle ones finally came through!) and two on the bottom. She weighs 17 pounds now, and is still the joy in our lives. I did not think it was possible, but I might love her more every single day. She also started army crawling! It is so cute. She really gets going. Every day she gets a little more on her knees, but she is not quite there yet.
Same goes for Oak - I think I love him more every single day as well. I started a new job a couple weeks ago, so he is now home with Apricot until around 2 p.m. every day except Wednesday and Sunday. He packs my lunchbox, gathers my stuff, and just generally makes my life easier. Daily. He is such a blessing. Also, he is loving (I think?) the time alone with Apricot, which is just awesome. He is such a super daddy. And she is just tickled with him. They make my heart smile.
Oak is on the phone right now with a possible job interview. I know he needs to work. I am just a little torn in a lot of directions. Him working would mean I would have to quit this newly acquired job. That would kind of stink, only because I just started, and I am learning things, and I enjoy it. But I know that ultimately we want me to stay home with Apricot, so it would be good. It would also stink because probably his job would not come with great hours, meaning he would be away from home for the majority of the day. It would also probably be a long commute. I have been praying he would find a job that allows him to work from home (me too!) so that we could be home together. I loved being home with him for all that time, and I know he did too. We'll see. We'll see what God has in store for us!
I am mourning four boys that I did not even know. They were killed in a car crash on Saturday. My sister was friends with them; they were in high school. I do not think it was anything but losing control. Four of the eight died. I cannot imagine what she (my sister), the other kids at school, and especially those parents are going through right now. My heart goes out to them.
I am also mourning my in-law's dog. They put him down this morning because he was sick. He had cancer, and it just kept getting worse. He was not eating, and he just was not doing well. I feel badly for them too. He was not that old.
We are really considering moving... In this market, we are thinking renting is a better idea than selling. A friend of mine told me about this website that deals with rentals that allows access to only military personnel. That is encouraging to us because we are a little leary of renting to just anyone. We are hoping these people being in the military would make slightly more trustworthy. Again: We'll see what God has in store for us!
Oak is off the phone now. Getting the scoop.
30 July 2011
Warm fuzzies
Little Apricot,
Last night I heard you start chatting at about 4 a.m. I was getting up to pump anyway, so I checked the monitor to find you on your back, wiggling around. I went into your room and you smiled at me, your giant sleepy smile. I smiled in return, and then I turned you over and started rubbing your back. Then I thought to myself, "Hey, get a clue. Apricot rarely wakes up in the middle of the night. Perhaps you should investigate." So I did. I checked your sleep sack, and low and behold, you had leaked. I lifted you out of your crib (I cannot believe how big you are getting, your sleepy weight felt so good in my arms), kissed your little head, and I put you on the changing table. You were full of "uh-GUH's" and smiles. I tried not to look at you too often, so I would not stimulate you. But you would not have it - you just kept looking at me with your wide eyes. Smiling at me every time I glanced in your direction. You really are so beautiful. I covered you in kisses. Soft, little ones, so as to not get you riled up. Then Daddy came in and I handed you off so I could change your bedding. I don't know why, but your little life has touched me in the most amazing way. Last night, when you were so full of sleepy and smiles... I just wish I could bottle that feeling. It is truly the "warm fuzzy" of which I have always heard. I love you, sweet girl.
Also, last night, before you drenched me in your fuzzy love, this is how you fell asleep. You're such a little weirdo.
Last night I heard you start chatting at about 4 a.m. I was getting up to pump anyway, so I checked the monitor to find you on your back, wiggling around. I went into your room and you smiled at me, your giant sleepy smile. I smiled in return, and then I turned you over and started rubbing your back. Then I thought to myself, "Hey, get a clue. Apricot rarely wakes up in the middle of the night. Perhaps you should investigate." So I did. I checked your sleep sack, and low and behold, you had leaked. I lifted you out of your crib (I cannot believe how big you are getting, your sleepy weight felt so good in my arms), kissed your little head, and I put you on the changing table. You were full of "uh-GUH's" and smiles. I tried not to look at you too often, so I would not stimulate you. But you would not have it - you just kept looking at me with your wide eyes. Smiling at me every time I glanced in your direction. You really are so beautiful. I covered you in kisses. Soft, little ones, so as to not get you riled up. Then Daddy came in and I handed you off so I could change your bedding. I don't know why, but your little life has touched me in the most amazing way. Last night, when you were so full of sleepy and smiles... I just wish I could bottle that feeling. It is truly the "warm fuzzy" of which I have always heard. I love you, sweet girl.
Also, last night, before you drenched me in your fuzzy love, this is how you fell asleep. You're such a little weirdo.
(Even when Daddy was fixing you, you kept trying to grab the bumper and go back
to this same position. At six months old, even while asleep, you are already tenacious.)
22 July 2011
Overwhelmed with choices and "screens"
I have so many things that I would like to be doing, or getting into, or creating, or reading. I have so many emails to read or surveys to fill out to earn money. I would like to do more organizing and straightening. I would like to be a better wife, a better mother, a better sister, a better friend and a better manager of my time. I HATE BEING A TIME WASTER. Yet what do I do most of the time? You got it: I waste time. The Lord cautions, like a lot, to be a good steward of one's time. I would like to be a better steward of the time with which God has blessed me. I would like to be a better house for God's light.
I think I might cut myself off from the Internet. But I am so afraid. Of what? I am not really sure. Maybe that I won't be able to handle it. Which makes me think that I most DEFINITELY need to cut myself off. But one (legitimate) excuse, or question, is then how can I look for a job? That I am not sure about. That aside, one thing I would have to do is that if I decide to cut myself off from the Internet, I have to cut myself off from all screens. Because I know me. If I do not have the computer to turn to, guess who is next in line? That's right... Mr. Television. My second biggest time waster. I actually have been doing really well with not watching TV. If I do not turn it on, I do not get sucked in. But who has time to watch TV when they are trolling the Internet all day.
I would love to be "wasting my time" on God's Word. Or baking. Or playing with Apricot. Or loving my husband. Or chatting with friends. Or organizing my house. Those are so much more fulfilling "time wasters".
I feel better now. But I am still scared. I would need to set a time frame, like a week, or month, of no screens. I guess I am not including the cell phone as a screen. Lucky for me I do not have an Internet phone, so no temptation there. Maybe I could even start with something so small like a day with no screens. I could do a day. Now it's just committing to which one...
I think I might cut myself off from the Internet. But I am so afraid. Of what? I am not really sure. Maybe that I won't be able to handle it. Which makes me think that I most DEFINITELY need to cut myself off. But one (legitimate) excuse, or question, is then how can I look for a job? That I am not sure about. That aside, one thing I would have to do is that if I decide to cut myself off from the Internet, I have to cut myself off from all screens. Because I know me. If I do not have the computer to turn to, guess who is next in line? That's right... Mr. Television. My second biggest time waster. I actually have been doing really well with not watching TV. If I do not turn it on, I do not get sucked in. But who has time to watch TV when they are trolling the Internet all day.
I would love to be "wasting my time" on God's Word. Or baking. Or playing with Apricot. Or loving my husband. Or chatting with friends. Or organizing my house. Those are so much more fulfilling "time wasters".
I feel better now. But I am still scared. I would need to set a time frame, like a week, or month, of no screens. I guess I am not including the cell phone as a screen. Lucky for me I do not have an Internet phone, so no temptation there. Maybe I could even start with something so small like a day with no screens. I could do a day. Now it's just committing to which one...
21 July 2011
Flying randomness
Sometimes I wish my blog were like Facebook, with just status updates.
Every single night as I am feeding and rocking Apricot before bed, I think to myself, "I cannot believe another day has passed." It always feels like I did not spend enough time with her, do enough with her, hold her enough. Every. Single. Day. Isn't that a little odd? And it's not like I am out working all day, like some mothers. I am home. All day long. Spending time with her. And it still does not feel like it is enough. Too weird. It is amazing to me that I love her so much. Oak and I were talking about it the other day. It sounds really bad, but we can't think of any other way to say it: We wish it were as easy to love each other. Apricot is just so easy to love. It just pours out of us. Like nothing I have never experienced before in my life. I remember a few weeks after she was born, I thought to myself, "I had no idea that THIS is how much my mom loves me." It is nothing she could have ever explained to me. And to think of her loving me like that is still a little strange, but at the same time I totally understand it. In addition, having Apricot has allowed me to understand God's love for me a little. I feel like I have talked about this before... I did! So anyway... I will stop gushing.
Poppop and Aunt Pink came over today to visit. We went out to lunch, which was such a treat since today was only our third time out in six months. It was lovely. We sat Apricot in a high chair, covered it with this fancy thing that Oak's Mom-Mom got us, and enjoyed lunch! It was great!
Tooth update!: A fourth tooth has made an appearance as of yesterday. The upper left next-to-the-middle tooth is out. So we are slowly transitioning from Hillbilly to Hillbilly Vampire. I cannot wait for Halloween. Also as of yesterday, Apricot is learning to sit up by herself! We are so proud.
I am praying to the Lord that we need Him. Please help us. We need direction, guidance, protection, comfort, carrying, love, grace, mercy.
Every single night as I am feeding and rocking Apricot before bed, I think to myself, "I cannot believe another day has passed." It always feels like I did not spend enough time with her, do enough with her, hold her enough. Every. Single. Day. Isn't that a little odd? And it's not like I am out working all day, like some mothers. I am home. All day long. Spending time with her. And it still does not feel like it is enough. Too weird. It is amazing to me that I love her so much. Oak and I were talking about it the other day. It sounds really bad, but we can't think of any other way to say it: We wish it were as easy to love each other. Apricot is just so easy to love. It just pours out of us. Like nothing I have never experienced before in my life. I remember a few weeks after she was born, I thought to myself, "I had no idea that THIS is how much my mom loves me." It is nothing she could have ever explained to me. And to think of her loving me like that is still a little strange, but at the same time I totally understand it. In addition, having Apricot has allowed me to understand God's love for me a little. I feel like I have talked about this before... I did! So anyway... I will stop gushing.
Poppop and Aunt Pink came over today to visit. We went out to lunch, which was such a treat since today was only our third time out in six months. It was lovely. We sat Apricot in a high chair, covered it with this fancy thing that Oak's Mom-Mom got us, and enjoyed lunch! It was great!
Tooth update!: A fourth tooth has made an appearance as of yesterday. The upper left next-to-the-middle tooth is out. So we are slowly transitioning from Hillbilly to Hillbilly Vampire. I cannot wait for Halloween. Also as of yesterday, Apricot is learning to sit up by herself! We are so proud.
I am praying to the Lord that we need Him. Please help us. We need direction, guidance, protection, comfort, carrying, love, grace, mercy.
14 July 2011
On our way to being beach bums
We went to the beach today! Taking into consideration Oak does not really like the beach, and my stress level was maxed within the first five minutes, our day at the beach turned out really well. It was Apricot's first time going, so we were not sure how she was going to react. Once we put on her sunglasses, she did not seem to mind at all. She did not, however, enjoy the ocean. It may have been the coldness. It may have been the bigness. It may have scared her. Probably it was all of those. The water kept sneaking up on us, splashing her. She screamed a bit. It was good, though. She took a nap for a little while. When she woke up, she just laid on her back under the umbrella, "sunning" - just like everyone else on the beach!
After our beach adventure, we went to Auntie's house for dinner. After dinner, Apricot proceeded to have a melt down the size of Texas because she was T.I.R.E.D. - I-don't-know-what-to-do-with-myself tired. We left, came home, had one last meal, did the bedtime routine, and she then took fortyseveneleventy hours to fall asleep. I don't really understand how that works. Exhausted: Sleep. Nope! Exhausted: Roll around... jibber-jabber... blow raspberries... get into the corner... start crying... smile like nothing is wrong... pats on the back... finally sleep. Why. Where is the disconnect? I don't really mind; I just feel badly for her.
I do wish I could bottle these moments. I feel like time is just buzzing by me so quickly, and I cannot soak up everything fast enough. I know she is growing so quickly and these days will just be a blur soon. I do want her to keep growing, I just feel like I am going to be missing this stage really soon. Sooner than I even know.
Tooth update: We now have a hillbilly in the making! Most babies get their two bottom middle teeth first, then their two upper middle teeth next. My baby got her two bottom middle teeth first, skipped the upper middles, and went right for the upper hillbilly-side tooth. Really? Now the other side is about to come through. She probably will look like a tiny vampire. I cannot wait until they get more visible so I can take pictures.
After our beach adventure, we went to Auntie's house for dinner. After dinner, Apricot proceeded to have a melt down the size of Texas because she was T.I.R.E.D. - I-don't-know-what-to-do-with-myself tired. We left, came home, had one last meal, did the bedtime routine, and she then took fortyseveneleventy hours to fall asleep. I don't really understand how that works. Exhausted: Sleep. Nope! Exhausted: Roll around... jibber-jabber... blow raspberries... get into the corner... start crying... smile like nothing is wrong... pats on the back... finally sleep. Why. Where is the disconnect? I don't really mind; I just feel badly for her.
I do wish I could bottle these moments. I feel like time is just buzzing by me so quickly, and I cannot soak up everything fast enough. I know she is growing so quickly and these days will just be a blur soon. I do want her to keep growing, I just feel like I am going to be missing this stage really soon. Sooner than I even know.
Tooth update: We now have a hillbilly in the making! Most babies get their two bottom middle teeth first, then their two upper middle teeth next. My baby got her two bottom middle teeth first, skipped the upper middles, and went right for the upper hillbilly-side tooth. Really? Now the other side is about to come through. She probably will look like a tiny vampire. I cannot wait until they get more visible so I can take pictures.
a little eye resting, thumb love
29 June 2011
Ungrateful gratitude
Can I please just start out by saying that I love God very much, and I am so, SO grateful for everything He does for me (us)? Because I do. And I am. That said, let the complaining commence!
I have such a crappy attitude lately! I do not know what the problem is. It is probably just stress. I have to find a job. Like, yesterday. Or, more accurately, like, last year. But I don't know why today I am so stressed about it. Because today, we made a very hefty deposit into our account, which mostly consisted of God's provision and blessings. Turns out we paid my midwife too much money, and the insurance company credited her company, who then in turn gave us the credit. Thank you, Jesus! He really is so good to us. It just feels like this whole both-being-unemployed-for-so-long-and-can't-find-a-job crap is getting old. And, what bothers me maybe even more than that is knowing that if *I* feel this way, how in the world does Oak feel. He is a worrier. A pessimist. I am not. I trust in God. I am an optimist. But now *I* am worried! Not worried. *sigh* "Concerned." Isn't that what we Christians say? We don't get worried - we get concerned. Because worry is a sin, but being concerned is not? Ha. Who are you fooling, Christians? So, concern is the feeling I am having. Mild concern. Because at the root of my SOUL, I KNOW Jesus will provide. I just know it. The thing I don't know, and where the "concern" creeps in, is how. HOW will He do this masterful feat? It is actually kind of cool if you really think about it. Knowing something is going to happen, but not being quite sure how it is going to unfold... Really neat. I am also thinking that perhaps Romans 8:28 may apply to this situation as well? Let's recite that some more, shall we?
In other news, Apricot is a joy - as usual. I really do love that little girl. It is funny to me because only after she was born did I even get a glimmer of how God must feel toward me. I know it sounds weird, but it is true. When I sit here and wonder WHY does God love me, what am I even doing for Him. Nothing much except complain a lot - hours after major blessings get poured out onto me. Well, why do I love Apricot so much. Honestly, what is she doing for me? Yeah, now she smiles and laughs. But before? She made me lose sleep. A lot. She requires a lot of attention. Attention I am no longer giving myself. She is pretty demanding. Right now, it is pretty much let's do what Apricot wants to do. No one really cares much about what Momma and Daddy want to be doing. Maybe it is because we do not scream as loudly. But I digress. What I mean is, I know it sounds bad, but honestly she's not really bringing much to the table. (Okay, that sounds really bad.) But my goodness do I love her. More than I ever thought I would or could. And it is just MIND BOGGLING to think that as much as I love her - so much that it hurts sometimes - God loves her more. Really? Really? How can that even be! And He loves me more than I love her too! What! That is just crazy. Crazy, crazy, crazy. Oh how thankful I am. I am so blessed, how can I even bother with being crabby. I am human. Thankfully God knows that.
I have such a crappy attitude lately! I do not know what the problem is. It is probably just stress. I have to find a job. Like, yesterday. Or, more accurately, like, last year. But I don't know why today I am so stressed about it. Because today, we made a very hefty deposit into our account, which mostly consisted of God's provision and blessings. Turns out we paid my midwife too much money, and the insurance company credited her company, who then in turn gave us the credit. Thank you, Jesus! He really is so good to us. It just feels like this whole both-being-unemployed-for-so-long-and-can't-find-a-job crap is getting old. And, what bothers me maybe even more than that is knowing that if *I* feel this way, how in the world does Oak feel. He is a worrier. A pessimist. I am not. I trust in God. I am an optimist. But now *I* am worried! Not worried. *sigh* "Concerned." Isn't that what we Christians say? We don't get worried - we get concerned. Because worry is a sin, but being concerned is not? Ha. Who are you fooling, Christians? So, concern is the feeling I am having. Mild concern. Because at the root of my SOUL, I KNOW Jesus will provide. I just know it. The thing I don't know, and where the "concern" creeps in, is how. HOW will He do this masterful feat? It is actually kind of cool if you really think about it. Knowing something is going to happen, but not being quite sure how it is going to unfold... Really neat. I am also thinking that perhaps Romans 8:28 may apply to this situation as well? Let's recite that some more, shall we?
In other news, Apricot is a joy - as usual. I really do love that little girl. It is funny to me because only after she was born did I even get a glimmer of how God must feel toward me. I know it sounds weird, but it is true. When I sit here and wonder WHY does God love me, what am I even doing for Him. Nothing much except complain a lot - hours after major blessings get poured out onto me. Well, why do I love Apricot so much. Honestly, what is she doing for me? Yeah, now she smiles and laughs. But before? She made me lose sleep. A lot. She requires a lot of attention. Attention I am no longer giving myself. She is pretty demanding. Right now, it is pretty much let's do what Apricot wants to do. No one really cares much about what Momma and Daddy want to be doing. Maybe it is because we do not scream as loudly. But I digress. What I mean is, I know it sounds bad, but honestly she's not really bringing much to the table. (Okay, that sounds really bad.) But my goodness do I love her. More than I ever thought I would or could. And it is just MIND BOGGLING to think that as much as I love her - so much that it hurts sometimes - God loves her more. Really? Really? How can that even be! And He loves me more than I love her too! What! That is just crazy. Crazy, crazy, crazy. Oh how thankful I am. I am so blessed, how can I even bother with being crabby. I am human. Thankfully God knows that.
23 June 2011
Unsettling shots and unfaithfully worried
Well, Apricot had her shots today. Much to my dismay, God did not close the pediatricians office, or give us a flat tire, or bring any small disaster onto us so that we could not get her immunized. He also did not give me any new really good reasons not to. I was praying for any of those things or else I would keep her appointment. Nothing happened. So she got them done. I prayed for God's peace, and He said no. Or at least, "You just have to trust me big time." I do trust Him. I know Romans 8:28, and I am reciting the crap out of it. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I know that reaction or not, whatever happens is God's Will. I know He is good. I know lots of things; it is believing those things that is hard! Lord, help my unbelief!
I have been extra cranky lately. Every morning I pray that God helps me to think before I speak. Every morning. Lots of times I think after I speak, and I am regretful. It's a process. God is molding me into His image. We need more water!
I have been extra cranky lately. Every morning I pray that God helps me to think before I speak. Every morning. Lots of times I think after I speak, and I am regretful. It's a process. God is molding me into His image. We need more water!
15 June 2011
Teeth and God's hands
Little Miss Apricot has teeth! Two, to be exact. For remembering purposes, here are the dates:
5 June 2011 - White is able to be seen under her gum line.
7 June 2011 - A small hole has now appeared.
9 June 2011 - A tooth! A tooth has broken the gum surface! Her very first tooth is the bottom left (center) tooth. (too lazy to look up the proper name...)
14 June 2011 - Tooth #2! The bottom right (center) tooth.
Little Sweetcheeks... I cannot believe she has teeth already. Four-and-a-half-months old, and she has two teeth. Her mood has improved greatly since yesterday. It was about 10 days of The Cranky, and we are so thankful to have our sweet-little-smiling-girl-who-sleeps back!
I received a phone call today for a job interview. It is a little bit ironic because tomorrow is my very last day to claim unemployment benefits. I think God is super funny. His timing is impeccable. I do not think I am going to get the job, just because that is too coincidental - even for God. But I am praying that even if I do not get it that I would do well. I know of a bunch of others that are praying for me as also. I am so thankful!
I have to leave Oak and Apricot home tomorrow. This is the first time being away from her for more than an hour (and only that has happened once!). I think I should be praying for that as well. I am confident Oak can do what needs to get done. And actually, I am not as apprehensive thinking about it as I have been in the past. I used to think about leaving her and not like it at all, so I guess I am making progress! Probably I am just confident in Oak's abilities and our schedule.
Picking out an interview outfit was quite interesting. My pre-pregnancy clothes do not fit me as well as they should. I can get my go-to interview pants up over my hips. Zipping them is another story. The next pair in line, zip - yes! Sitting is another story. Skirt it is! This particular skirt is actually very nice. I have had it for probably 3 years, and I have never worn it. Maybe once or twice. It is a piece in which it is very hard to pair something. Five shirts later... I am wearing the first choice. It's not the best outfit, but it will do, I suppose. Perhaps my heels will distract the fact that my top is a t-shirt from the Gap.
God is good. If this is for me, it is in His hands. Let's be honest; it is in His hands regardless.
5 June 2011 - White is able to be seen under her gum line.
7 June 2011 - A small hole has now appeared.
9 June 2011 - A tooth! A tooth has broken the gum surface! Her very first tooth is the bottom left (center) tooth. (too lazy to look up the proper name...)
14 June 2011 - Tooth #2! The bottom right (center) tooth.
(It is HARD to get a shot of teeth!)
Little Sweetcheeks... I cannot believe she has teeth already. Four-and-a-half-months old, and she has two teeth. Her mood has improved greatly since yesterday. It was about 10 days of The Cranky, and we are so thankful to have our sweet-little-smiling-girl-who-sleeps back!
I received a phone call today for a job interview. It is a little bit ironic because tomorrow is my very last day to claim unemployment benefits. I think God is super funny. His timing is impeccable. I do not think I am going to get the job, just because that is too coincidental - even for God. But I am praying that even if I do not get it that I would do well. I know of a bunch of others that are praying for me as also. I am so thankful!
I have to leave Oak and Apricot home tomorrow. This is the first time being away from her for more than an hour (and only that has happened once!). I think I should be praying for that as well. I am confident Oak can do what needs to get done. And actually, I am not as apprehensive thinking about it as I have been in the past. I used to think about leaving her and not like it at all, so I guess I am making progress! Probably I am just confident in Oak's abilities and our schedule.
Picking out an interview outfit was quite interesting. My pre-pregnancy clothes do not fit me as well as they should. I can get my go-to interview pants up over my hips. Zipping them is another story. The next pair in line, zip - yes! Sitting is another story. Skirt it is! This particular skirt is actually very nice. I have had it for probably 3 years, and I have never worn it. Maybe once or twice. It is a piece in which it is very hard to pair something. Five shirts later... I am wearing the first choice. It's not the best outfit, but it will do, I suppose. Perhaps my heels will distract the fact that my top is a t-shirt from the Gap.
God is good. If this is for me, it is in His hands. Let's be honest; it is in His hands regardless.
14 June 2011
Not-so-hidden blessings
My first comment! I was pleasantly surprised! And actually, if I am honest, much happier about it than I had anticipated. I really, REALLY thought that I did not care so much.
Also? God is pretty cool. It is neat for me to think there are people out there, that I don't even know, praying for my family. So, so cool. Thank you, Jesus.
Today Oak (formally known as H) and I went for a walk with Apricot (formally known as D). We have been going for walks lately, since the weather has been so nice, instead of exercising to Jillian Michaels (or whomever we choose that day - thanks On Demand!). Apricot has not been napping very well recently, and we know that eventually she will fall asleep in the stroller, so off we went! We walked a little over five miles today! I tracked it when we got home, and I could not believe it. That is a record for us, I think. I love walking with Oak (and Apricot) because it gives us time to chat about life, and ideas, and just everything.
As much as it is a burden with us both being unemployed, it has been such a blessing to us. We have gotten to know each other so much better, and our marriage is much stronger. Oak is so comfortable with Apricot, and I truly believe that would not be the case if he had not been home this whole time. I think he would be very uncomfortable and unsure with her. So, burden? Yes, in the wallet. Blessing? Absolutely, in every other aspect.
Lord, thank you for knowing me much more than I know myself. And thank you for surrounding me with so much love. I love you Jesus!
Also? God is pretty cool. It is neat for me to think there are people out there, that I don't even know, praying for my family. So, so cool. Thank you, Jesus.
Today Oak (formally known as H) and I went for a walk with Apricot (formally known as D). We have been going for walks lately, since the weather has been so nice, instead of exercising to Jillian Michaels (or whomever we choose that day - thanks On Demand!). Apricot has not been napping very well recently, and we know that eventually she will fall asleep in the stroller, so off we went! We walked a little over five miles today! I tracked it when we got home, and I could not believe it. That is a record for us, I think. I love walking with Oak (and Apricot) because it gives us time to chat about life, and ideas, and just everything.
As much as it is a burden with us both being unemployed, it has been such a blessing to us. We have gotten to know each other so much better, and our marriage is much stronger. Oak is so comfortable with Apricot, and I truly believe that would not be the case if he had not been home this whole time. I think he would be very uncomfortable and unsure with her. So, burden? Yes, in the wallet. Blessing? Absolutely, in every other aspect.
Lord, thank you for knowing me much more than I know myself. And thank you for surrounding me with so much love. I love you Jesus!
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