Perhaps if I repeat it enough it will rise from my heart to my brain

Well, it is January.  My little girl turns one this month.  I cannot believe how fast this year has gone.  I have tried to soak in all of the moments, to savor and cherish them, yet they still seemed to have zipped by me at lightening speed.  Time is funny like that.  It is like trying to catch the wind.  Apricot is growing and flourishing right before our eyes.  She has such a personality on her; it is amazing.  I am still amazed at the miracle that is her.


We moved into Oak's parent's house on January 1.  Let us just say we are still in transition.  Our house (which we now lovingly refer to as 'our shore house') is half packed and vacant of bodies.  We went there last weekend to pack some things, and it was creepy and depressing.  Creepy I guess because no one had been there for a week, and it was just Apricot and me at first - no Oak or Kitty.  Depressing for more than one reason.  I wanted equally to both never see that place again and never leave again.  We still have a lot to do.  If we methodically chip away at it, it really should not take us too long.  As long as we are consistently doing something productive.


On the bright side, we may have found renters!  Holla!  We met, and liked, them.  They have a 3-week-old boy and seem very nice.  They cannot move in until April 1, but that is okay because now we do not have to rush to get our stuff packed.  It stinks a little because we have to carry the mortgage for two months more than we had anticipated, but we think it is worth it.  We are really hoping they work out to be great renters.  Only time will tell.


God is in control of all these things in our lives.  GOD IS IN CONTROL OF ALL THINGS.  God loves us.  I will keep telling myself this.  Romans 12:12, Ephesians 5:20 and also Romans 8:28

December overwhelmed gratitude

Well Oak said it the best.  December = overwhelmed.  Just thinking about the month of December makes me completely overwhelmed.  In our immediate family we have five birthdays.  In our extended family we have seven birthdays.  Then of course there is Christmas, which is the 'reason for the season' as everyone likes to put it.  I want so badly not to make Christmas about gift giving and stress, but to make it about Christ's birth and family traditions (that we enjoy).


We are trying to get our own traditions set:  cookies, tree, decorating... stuff like that.  But even the cookies seem to be overwhelming.  Our decorations are not out yet.  Hopefully tonight we will put them up.  I have them all set out on the table waiting to be put in their spots.


In addition to the normal yearly stress, we have our own added moving stress.  We are not moving until after Christmas, but that does not mean we aren't looking for houses!  So when we are not shopping for presents or going to parties, we are house hunting.  And can I just tell you I do not see the 'falling market' that everyone is talking about.  Perhaps it is because we are not looking for a run-of-the-mill house.  We want some land on which to run and grow.  Fruit trees and bushes, a garden, possibly a greenhouse later! is what are hopes are for.  Chickens and goats...  okay, that might be a little far-fetched, but maybe not completely!  We have friends 20 minutes from us that have both chickens and goats.  The idea of growing our own food and not having to rely on the supermarket is so very appealing to us (me), but that is for another post entirely.


So... December.  Lord please let us focus on YOU Lord.  Not on the money, or even the house-to-be.  Lord let us appreciate what You have given us.  Our families, friends and all of our loved ones.  Also at the same time, though, Lord, we do not want our loved ones to be disappointed on Christmas, so please help us to find the right gifts for them.  They do not have to be expensive, nor extravagant, but just the right gift that would make someone smile.  Thank You Jesus for all that You do for us.  I cannot imagine a life without You Lord.  I am so thankful for You each day.  And each day You pour so many blessings on me that I am just struck with this incredible awe.  I cannot fathom why You are even bothering with little me, Lord.  You created the universe for crying out loud.  The universe!  Yet You care so much about me that You know the number of hairs on my head.  Thank you.  I am so very VERY grateful.

Transition and faith!

Well, of course I am posting today - it has been one month since my last post!  I do not mean for so much time to pass without posting; my mind is just so jumbled right now that I cannot seem to form it into anything cohesive.  Here's to giving it a whirl today!


We are officially at the start of The Great Transition.  Oak accepted a job offer a few days ago.  Doing so means we no longer can afford our house, but we knew that going in.  Because in April, his Unemployment runs out, and we would no longer be able to afford our house!  So it was pretty much inevitable.  The position he took is about an hour and a half away from us now - back where we came from.  It is a good thing because we were wanting to move back into the area anyway.  We miss having relationships with the people we love.  Hopefully moving back will give us the freedom to do so.


But this transition...  I put in my notice at work on Thursday since Oak is supposed to start working on November 28.  If we were not moving, we may have entertained the idea of juggling both of us working, but I think we are both thankful we're not doing that.  Yes the money would be nice, but we feel like we can live within our means to not have to need both of us working.  Anyway, the transition.  We have a realtor coming tomorrow to put our house up for rent.  We are hoping to be able to rent it out since selling is kind of not an option right now given this terrible market.  In the meantime, we are working with a different realtor to find us a house closer to Oak's new work and our families.  The good news is that it is a buyer's market.  So we are *hoping* to get a fantastic deal on something.  We're looking to have land to appeal to our self-sustaining mindset.  We'll see.  I know it is ALL in God's hands.


Anyway, back to this transition.  Hopefully we can find a new house, and a renter, before we run out of money.  That would bring us to about January/February.  If we cannot find anything, but hopefully have a renter - but even if we don't, we are invited to move in with my in-laws.  It is very gracious of them to open their house to us, and I used to be pretty excited about it.  The more I think about it though, the more hassle I think it will be.  Gracious yes, convenient no.  We have a cat who is 19 years old.  She pees in places other than her litter box.  Luckily for us, most of our house is hardwood or tile.  Not the case with my in-laws.  We would have to move all of our stuff.  Again.  And, we would have to put our big stuff in storage until we found a house.  I am hoping we can downsize the crap out of our stuff, so moving things will be minimal, but still.  It's an entire four-bedroom house.  With an infant.  And a semi-hoarder who wants so badly to be a minimalist.  And one who is in denial.  We have a lot of stuff is what I mean.


It is just tough because we have a lot of things To Be Determined.  It makes it a little hard to do our daily activities.  For me anyway.
I am publishing this without even reading it back!  I have to go help Oak outside like I said I would.

Pants on fire

So we quit smoking, and yet my husband is on his way to the store to buy cigarettes... What is wrong with this picture?  We've been sharing one cigarette every night lately.  It's actually quite nice, and I look forward to it.
He's home!  I know it goes against all that I am for, but I just enjoy it so immensely.

Ramblings - in list form

What am I doing, making this a once-a-month-posting blog?  This is ridiculous!  I have so much on my mind, I cannot even process it all right now.  I need to just list it out:

• We are still adjusting to my work schedule, and thankfully I am home by 10:30 a.m. now, so that is much better.
• Oak had an interview today that looks promising, but we are humbled enough by the last experience to not count our chickens...
• Him going back to work is going to stink like Apricot's feet (which, really?  How can a seven-and-a-half month-old's feet smell so badly?).
• We are excited about the prospect of him working again, but tentatively.  It's not going to make our lives any better, and that's what stinks.  It would mean him being away from the house for probably 12 hours a day.  We would be making less money than we are right now, so it wouldn't even ease that burden - it would make it worse.
• A good thing about him going back would be that if he does well, he could get promoted and make more money eventually.  Also, it is the type of job that could totally be done from home, so again, if he does well enough, there is always that possibility (we think).
• Kitty has stopped peeing all over the floor because we got smart and stopped confusing her.  We were putting newspaper under the litter box, extended out a bit, to "catch" the misses.  Well it got to the point where she was not even getting in the box, just walking onto the paper and doing her business.  We removed the paper all together and voila! we've knocked the mess down by about 75%.
• If Oak gets this job, as soon as it happens, we can no longer pay our mortgage.
• We are very much considering renting this house and moving closer to our families - it is just a process.  There is a lot to think about: how much to charge, how much will we still have to pay, where will we live...
• Where will we live!?  We cannot even figure that out!
• Apricot is making noise now; she is up from her nap.  We think she is cutting another tooth because naps? they stink today.  She currently has seven teeth.
• We do not vacuum nearly enough because Apricot was screaming like someone was cutting off her foot this afternoon as I vacuumed.  Poor baby.
• My list of things to do seems to grow and grow and grow.  I make progress, but for every one things that gets crossed off, I add two more things.  *sigh*
• I found out today that our only friends in this area are moving to North Carolina November 1.  I don't know why it bothers me so much because it's not like we see them hardly ever.  But it does bother me.
• Also, that family I just mentioned?  They welcomed their fifth child into the world less than a month ago, and they are doing wonderfully.  They are already adjusted!  So awesome!
• I just love this girl.  Her little dimples are so adorable.  I am so thankful she shows them so often.
• Am I ever going to update Apricot's baby book?  That is another thing that just looms over my head.  Every day that passes is something else that isn't going to make it into that book.  I know I am going to regret it severely.
• I am glad my relationship with my mom is growing.
• My littlest sister turned 10 years old today.  I cannot believe it was 10 years ago I witnessed the miracle of her birth.  She is so awesome, this one.  She is the sweetest, kindest girl.
• Perhaps my next post will be something better, not just a ramble in list form.
• Oh!  We took our first flight with a baby!  We went on a mini vacation for my cousin's wedding in Georgia, and it was AMAZING.  God is SO good to us.  Apricot did so wonderfully, it just blew our minds.  She was on basically zero sleep the entire trip, but man, she was a trooper - smiling and all.  The flights were great; we fed her during take off and landing, just like we were instructed, and it worked out perfectly.  It was so great to see all of my family we do not get to see very often.  And Apricot met her other Great Grandfather for the first time.  Just a great weekend all around.  Thank you Jesus!
• Also, thank you Jesus, for everything.  Even though I complain, I am in awe of how you are holding our family in your hand.  I am so thankful.

Mad at the unknown

I am aggravated today for various reasons:  the state of our house; the amount of "stuff" we have accumulated; the fact that we were taking pictures to post for a rental site and they do not look inviting; my boss texted me today telling me my new days off were Sundays and Mondays; I am thankful for my job, but I don't want to work anymore; Oak needs a job, but I don't want him to work either; but they all point one thing:  I want us both to be home with Apricot.  I know everyone out there works away from home.  I know everyone's husband has a job outside of the house.  I know everyone makes a commute.  I know that.  But just because it is that way does that mean I have to like it?  And does it even have to be that way?  Isn't there SOMETHING we could do together and make money, all while staying at home to be with Apricot?  Anything?  At all?


I feel so torn because Oak did go on that interview the other day.  He has a very good chance of them calling him back.  But it's an hour away!  So that means he would be gone 12 hours a day - minimum.  That sucks.  I am only gone six hours that Apricot is awake, and that is not pleasant.  Twelve hours is going to be heartbreaking.  And every time I think about it I just feel so badly for him and us.  He's used to being home 24 hours, and we're just going to cut it in half.  I just don't like the idea of it at all.  There's got to be something we could do from home.

*******

That was yesterday.  Today my feelings about the pictures has changed a little because I found some old ones that look nice.  I also found pictures of the really cool sunsets we have had.

Also, reading that up there makes us sound like hoarders.  That is not the case.  I just have always wanted to be the kind of person who has a place for everything, and we have yet to achieve that.  We have things that don't really have a home.  Or they do have a home, but it's not a good one, and they still don't look like they belong, if that makes any sense.

Anyway, at this point I think I may just be ranting.  I have a book on my shelf that I still have not read called Be Satisfied.  I think I need to read it.

Time's a racin'...

So I have not blogged in nearly a month.  Has it really been that long?  So much has happened since then:

We just got done visiting with my dad.  He came down for a short weekend to drop off my littlest sister.  It was nice spending time with him.  He was much more interactive with Apricot this time around, and that was so special to see.

Speaking of Apricot, she now has six teeth.  SIX.  Four on the top (her middle ones finally came through!) and two on the bottom.  She weighs 17 pounds now, and is still the joy in our lives.  I did not think it was possible, but I might love her more every single day.  She also started army crawling!  It is so cute.  She really gets going.  Every day she gets a little more on her knees, but she is not quite there yet.

Same goes for Oak - I think I love him more every single day as well.  I started a new job a couple weeks ago, so he is now home with Apricot until around 2 p.m. every day except Wednesday and Sunday.  He packs my lunchbox, gathers my stuff, and just generally makes my life easier.  Daily.  He is such a blessing.  Also, he is loving (I think?) the time alone with Apricot, which is just awesome.  He is such a super daddy.  And she is just tickled with him.  They make my heart smile.

Oak is on the phone right now with a possible job interview.  I know he needs to work.  I am just a little torn in a lot of directions.  Him working would mean I would have to quit this newly acquired job.  That would kind of stink, only because I just started, and I am learning things, and I enjoy it.  But I know that ultimately we want me to stay home with Apricot, so it would be good.  It would also stink because probably his job would not come with great hours, meaning he would be away from home for the majority of the day.  It would also probably be a long commute.  I have been praying he would find a job that allows him to work from home (me too!) so that we could be home together.  I loved being home with him for all that time, and I know he did too.  We'll see.  We'll see what God has in store for us!

I am mourning four boys that I did not even know.  They were killed in a car crash on Saturday.  My sister was friends with them; they were in high school.  I do not think it was anything but losing control.  Four of the eight died.  I cannot imagine what she (my sister), the other kids at school, and especially those parents are going through right now.  My heart goes out to them.

I am also mourning my in-law's dog.  They put him down this morning because he was sick.  He had cancer, and it just kept getting worse.  He was not eating, and he just was not doing well.  I feel badly for them too.  He was not that old.

We are really considering moving...  In this market, we are thinking renting is a better idea than selling.  A friend of mine told me about this website that deals with rentals that allows access to only military personnel.  That is encouraging to us because we are a little leary of renting to just anyone.  We are hoping these people being in the military would make slightly more trustworthy.  Again:  We'll see what God has in store for us!

Oak is off the phone now.  Getting the scoop.